You see it all the time.
Your daughter walks off the field with slumped shoulders. She’s quiet in the car ride home, maybe frustrated tears in her eyes. You try to encourage her, “You did great!”, but she shrugs it off or snaps, “You don’t get it, Mom.”
She’s stuck in her head. Beating herself up. Comparing. Shutting down.
And it’s heartbreaking to watch because you know how amazing she is. You just don’t know how to help her see it too.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why your advice doesn’t stick, or why your daughter’s self-talk seems to get meaner no matter how hard you try to lift her up… this episode is for you.
We’re not going to talk at her. We’re going to teach her how to take back control of her thoughts and show you how to model that, too.
Let’s walk through a simple, proven tool that’s already changing the way girls (and moms) think, speak, and show up. This might just be the shift you’ve both been needing.
Why Mindset Is the Real Game-Changer
Your daughter’s performance isn’t just about skill; it’s about what’s happening in her head.
Pressure. Nerves. Perfectionism. Comparison. These mental roadblocks don’t just affect how she feels, they change how she plays. And if she doesn’t learn how to manage them now, they’ll follow her from season to season, holding her back from reaching her full potential.
That’s why helping her shift her mindset isn’t just helpful, it’s necessary.
The question is: how do you actually help her do that without lecturing, nagging, or watching her shut down again?
That’s where the Confidence Self-Talk Process comes in. Two simple steps. Big change.
Step 1: Notice and Shift Her Thoughts
Here’s the reality: most people don’t realize they’re allowed to question or reject their thoughts. We think something, and we automatically believe it. That’s how negative spirals start.
Your daughter needs to learn that she has the power to shift her internal dialogue. She can’t control every thought that pops in, but she can control which ones she focuses on.
Let me give you two real examples from girls in our program:
Lily messaged us and said, “I’ve unlocked a mindset shift and it’s unlocked some potential that I didn’t know. I had, instead of focusing on comparing myself to other people, I’m deciding to shift what I’m thinking about and I’m going to focus on enjoying myself and everything. The shift has not only allowed me to have more fun, I also noticing I’m doing better.”
Genevieve told us, “During my soccer game on Saturday, we were losing, but I changed my attitude. I changed how I was talking about myself, how I was talking to myself about the situation that was happening. When it was near the end, we scored three more goals and we won the game and I was like, “Yeah, Genevieve. That’s the power of your mind right there.’”
These aren’t just “feel good” stories; they’re proof. Girls who learn how to shift their thinking start showing up differently. They stay in the game, literally and mentally. They stop spiraling and start making progress. And that shift? It doesn’t come from someone else’s pep talk. It starts inside them.
The Thought Wheel: A Tool to Shift Her Thinking
Here’s what we teach our athletes: a tool called The Thought Wheel. Imagine a circle with five arrows. It looks like this:
- Situation
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Actions
- Results
It all starts with a situation, something your daughter might not control. Maybe the team is losing. Maybe she didn’t get much playing time. Maybe she made a mistake.
From there, she starts thinking something like, “I’m the reason we’re losing,” or “I suck.”
That thought then creates a feeling; maybe frustration, sadness, or hopelessness.
That feeling leads to an action; she pulls back effort, stops communicating, tunes out the coach.
Then come the results; she plays poorly, the team doesn’t improve, and the outcome matches the negative belief.
This is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But What If She Could Shift?
Genevieve did. She said, “I changed my attitude.” That means she noticed what she was thinking and chose something different.
Instead of, “We’re going to lose,” she thought, “I can’t control what happened before, but I can give my best effort right now.”
That tiny shift changed her feelings, she felt empowered. Which changed her actions; she encouraged her teammates, went harder, and stayed focused. That created a new result, they won.
Whether your daughter wins or not, shifting her self-talk will help her feel better and show up better.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Negative thoughts don’t just come and go. If repeated enough, they become beliefs. And beliefs shape how your daughter sees herself.
So, what starts as “I didn’t play well today” can turn into “I’m not good enough.”
And here’s the kicker: those beliefs live in the subconscious, the part of the brain that controls 90% of our behavior.
So even if she logically knows she’s a good player (that’s the 10% conscious mind), if her subconscious believes she isn’t, that belief wins. Every time.
Self-Talk Isn’t About Being “Positive” All the Time
Let me be clear. This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is great.
This is about being productive in how we talk to ourselves.
When Genevieve said, “I can’t change the past, but I can do my best now,” that’s not being overly cheerful. That’s being real and focused. That’s the kind of mindset that helps your daughter stay steady, even in tough moments.
And this applies way beyond sports. It’s how she’ll talk to herself about school, friendships, her body, her goals, and eventually her job or relationships.
Step 2: Watch Your Self-Talk Too
Now here’s where things get real. What you say about yourself, out loud, matters. A lot.
Your daughter is listening when you say:
“I hate how my legs look.”
“There’s never enough time.”
“I’m so lazy.”
Even if you never say those things to her, she’s picking up how you talk about yourself. And she’s building her own inner voice based on that.
You might be saying, “You’re beautiful,” and “You’re strong,” to her. But if she hears you criticizing your own body or doubting yourself, she starts questioning those same things in herself.
No Guilt, Just Awareness and Empowerment
I’m not sharing this to make you feel guilty. This is good news, because if your self-talk influences hers, that means you have even more power to impact her confidence than you realized.
And you don’t have to be perfect. You just need to be intentional.
When you work on your self-talk and shift how you speak about yourself, especially in front of her, she starts to pick that up too. I’ve seen it over and over again with moms in our community.
Some of my favorite messages I get from moms are things like, “I said something negative about myself, and my daughter said, ‘Mom, don’t talk about yourself like that!’”
That’s cycle-breaking. That’s generational change.
This Is Bigger Than Sport
When your daughter learns this thought-shifting process, it doesn’t just help her in games.
It helps her:
When she struggles in a class.
When she feels left out socially.
When she has to speak up or advocate for herself.
When she’s chasing big goals.
And when you learn to shift your own thoughts, that starts a ripple effect that touches every part of your relationship with her and every part of her future.
Final Thoughts: Helping Her Mindset Stick for the Long Run
So far in the Summer Confidence Series, we’ve covered a lot. In Part 1, we looked at the unintentional ways we might be keeping our daughters stuck in low confidence. In Part 2, we talked about the #1 skill she needs to bounce back after mistakes. And in this episode, Part 3, you learned how to flip your daughter’s negative mindset using the Confidence Self-Talk Process, centered around the thought wheel and grounded in your own example as a parent.
Coming up in Part 4, we’ll get into how to be her safe space. You’ll learn what to say, what not to say, and how to support her when she’s feeling down or overwhelmed so your conversations leave her stronger, not more stressed.
If this message is clicking with you and you want to keep going, we break all of this down further inside our free training for sports moms at trainhergame.com. You’ll also get a closer look at The Elite Mental Game, our self-paced program that helps girl athletes strengthen their mindset both on and off the field. And because you’re following along with the Summer Confidence Series, there’s a special discount link waiting for you in the show notes.
Your daughter’s self-talk can shape her life. And so can yours. You don’t need to have all the answers but with the right tools, you can both start thinking in a whole new way.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00:00] What This Series Is Really About. This episode is part of the Summer Confidence Series, created to give moms real tools to help their daughters build unshakable confidence and mental strength.
[00:02:00] A Real Message from a Mom. A powerful story from a mom whose daughter used the mindset tools during a tournament and saw the difference in both performance and attitude.
[00:03:05] Why Advice Doesn’t Always Land. Even if your advice is good, it often gets brushed off. Here’s why she might not be ready to hear it and what to do instead.
[00:04:55] Step 1: Notice and Shift Her Thoughts. The first step of the Confidence Self-Talk Process. Your daughter can’t control every thought, but she can choose which ones to believe.
[00:05:46] Real Girls, Real Shifts. Two athletes share how changing their mindset mid-game changed their experience, and in one case, even the outcome of the game.
[00:06:49] Teaching the Thought Wheel. A simple, five-part mental tool that helps girls understand how thoughts lead to feelings, actions, and results—and how to break the cycle.
[00:11:12] When Thoughts Become Beliefs. Why it’s so important to interrupt negative self-talk early, because over time, it turns into beliefs that shape how she sees herself.
[00:14:16] Step 2: Her Confidence Is Tied to Yours. What you say about yourself matters. Your daughter builds her inner voice based on what she hears you say out loud.
[00:18:38] Breaking Cycles Together. How small shifts in your own self-talk can create powerful changes in her mindset and how moms and daughters are growing together inside the program.
[00:20:26] Recap and What’s Coming Next. A quick summary of the first three parts of the series, and a look ahead to Part 4: how to be her safe space when emotions run high.
[00:21:44] Want to Go Deeper? Details on the free sports mom training at trainhergame.com, plus how to get the summer-only discount for The Elite Mental Game program.
Next Steps:
- Grab the free Summer Confidence Series PDF that goes along with all of the episodes! Get scripts, tips, and a recap of the episodes all in one place!
- Enroll in the Elite Mental Game with a 50% discount for our Summer Confidence Series through August 8th!
- Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
- Visit our podcast website for more great episodes
Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.
