How do you know if your athlete is ready for mental training?

And maybe even more important, when’s the best time to start?

Whether you’re brand new on this sports mom journey, or your daughter has already been competing for years, you’ve probably noticed that the mental side of the game is a big deal. It’s where her confidence comes from. It’s how she handles mistakes, pressure, nerves, all the normal stuff that comes with being an athlete.

But here’s the tricky part: coaches expect athletes to be mentally tough, but they don’t actually teach them how. You’ve probably heard things like, “She’s got all the skills, she just needs more confidence,” or “She’s in her head too much.”

And you’re sitting there like, “Wait, how is she supposed to learn that? Aren’t you the coach?”

Well, the truth is most coaches don’t know how to teach mental skills. That’s where mental training comes in.

A Story From One of Our Athletes

Before I get into the signs, let me share something from a mom in our program, The Elite Mental Game.

She texted us after the holidays and said, “We paused the program for a bit, but I already see a big change in her demeanor. She stops and thinks before she responds. She’s started doing her snapback routine without me even reminding her.”

That’s huge. Honestly, a lot of adults don’t even have the skill of pausing before they react. And here’s this young athlete, stopping, breathing, and choosing how to respond instead of letting emotions take over.

The snapback routine is something athletes learn right away inside the program. It’s a tool they use to bounce back after a mistake, a bad call, or anything that bumps them out of the zone. And when an athlete starts using it on her own? That’s when you know she’s building confidence and self-control.

So, What Is Mental Training Anyway?

Mental training is simply teaching athletes how to use their mind to help their performance. It’s training thoughts, behaviors, and actions so they can handle whatever comes up be it pressure, nerves, setbacks, comparison, all of it.

It’s also about empowering athletes to realize they have control. Just like that mom’s story: her daughter paused and chose her response. That’s control.

Mental training also includes things like:

• Using affirmations and visualization to decide ahead of time the kind of athlete you want to be.
• Sitting with uncomfortable emotions without shoving them down.
• Trusting yourself.

Confidence isn’t about never being sad, nervous, or frustrated. Confidence is trusting that you can handle those emotions and still move forward.

What Do We Mean by “Elite”?

I get this question a lot: What do you mean when you say “elite”? I don’t want my daughter to feel pressure to be elite.

Here’s what I mean: “Elite” is not about being the best athlete on the court or field. It’s not about trophies or rankings. Elite means playing to your potential, loving your sport, and having the tools to handle the ups and downs.

That’s it. That’s what elite performance really looks like.

And to get there, athletes need three things:

• Knowledge of their sport (which they get from coaches).
• Physical training (practice, reps, conditioning).
• Mental training (belief in themselves, tools for pressure and mistakes).

Most athletes are missing that third piece. Even though they’ll tell you 90% of the game is mental, hardly anyone actually trains it.

Sign #1: She’s Entering the Prime Age

The first sign your athlete is ready for mental training is her age. Around 11 to 12 years old is what I call the prime age.

This is when things shift. Athletes start competing at higher levels. Their bodies are changing, which can throw off confidence. They start comparing themselves more. Coaches put more pressure on them, and they start putting pressure on themselves.

That’s why ages 11–16 are the sweet spot for a formal mental training program. They’re old enough to understand the concepts and apply them in real life.

But even younger kids – 5 to 10 – can start learning simple tools like breathing, visualization, and naming the butterflies in their stomach as excitement instead of nerves.

And if your daughter is older, like 16 to 18 or even in college? It’s not too late. In fact, at that stage, if she’s not training her mind, she’s probably getting passed up by athletes who are.

I’ll be honest: without mental training, older athletes often struggle the most with comparison and confidence. Some even burn out completely, I know, because that was me in high school before I finally learned these tools.

Sign #2: She’s Facing the Normal Athlete Struggles

The second sign is that your daughter is starting to deal with the normal struggles of being an athlete. Things like:

• Saying she feels nervous but not knowing how to handle it.
• Performing better in practice than in games.
• Beating herself up over mistakes.
• Comparing herself to teammates.
• Playing it safe because she’s scared to mess up.
• Having big goals but not quite reaching them.

Here’s the thing: even if she hasn’t hit these struggles yet, she will. Every athlete does at some point. That’s why it’s better to teach her the skills ahead of time, instead of waiting until she’s in the middle of a spiral.

Think of it like swimming lessons. You wouldn’t throw your kid into the deep end without teaching them how to swim first. Mental training is the same: it’s preparing her before the big waves come.

Sign #3: She Has Goals

The third sign? She has goals.

Maybe she wants to make varsity, play in college, or just get more playing time. Whatever the goal is, she needs mental training to get there. Because here’s the truth: once she gets to the next level, the pressure doesn’t go away. It actually increases.

So, the best time to learn these tools isn’t after she’s already struggling, it’s while things are going well. That’s when the skills really stick.

I like to say, the best time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. If your athlete already has confidence and is performing well, that’s actually the perfect time to add in mental training.

In Season vs. Out of Season

Another big question I get: Should we start in season or out of season?

The truth is, there’s not really a wrong time. Both have benefits.

• In season: She can apply the skills right away in practices and games. Even just 5–10 minutes a week makes a difference because she’s using it in real time.
• Out of season: She might have more time to go deeper and practice in lower-stakes settings. Then when the season starts, she already has the tools ready to go.

Either way, the key is consistency. Mental training doesn’t have to take hours. Even a few minutes a week adds up.

How to Bring It Up Without Shutting Her Down

This part is important: how you introduce mental training to your daughter matters.

If you say, “I think you need to work on your confidence,” she’ll probably shut down. No athlete wants to hear that.

Instead, approach it from a place of support:

“You have big goals, and I want to support you.”

“The best athletes train their mind just like they train their body.”

“Here’s a resource that might help you get to where you want to go.”

Sometimes it’s easier to let me do the talking for you. That’s why we have podcast episodes, guides, and stories from athletes who’ve been through it. When your daughter hears from other athletes her age, it just clicks differently.

The Bottom Line

So, when is the best time for mental training? Here’s the recap:

• Ages 11–16 are the prime time to start, but younger kids can learn basic skills, and older athletes need it too.
• If she’s starting to feel the normal athlete struggles – pressure, comparison, nerves – that’s a sign she’s ready.
• If she has goals, don’t wait. The higher she goes, the more pressure there will be.
  

And remember: the best time to start is when the sun is shining, not when it’s pouring.

If you’re wondering whether your daughter would be a good fit for our program, The Elite Mental Game, reach out anytime. Or, if you’re ready, join us inside. The doors are open now, and we’d love to support both you and your athlete as she grows her confidence and mental strength.

I’ll see you in the next episode!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] Why Mental Training Matters. Coaches often say athletes need to be more confident or mentally tough, but few actually teach how. Mental training gives athletes tools to handle pressure, mistakes, and comparison.

[00:01:31] A Mom’s Story of Change. Inside our program, a mom shared how her daughter started using her snapback routine on her own: pausing before reacting and bouncing back faster from mistakes. That’s a huge sign of growth.

[00:02:47] What Mental Training Really Is. Mental training isn’t fluff, it’s teaching athletes how to use their thoughts, behaviors, and actions to improve performance, build trust in themselves, and process emotions in healthy ways.

[00:04:40] What We Mean by “Elite”. Elite doesn’t mean pressure, trophies, or rankings. It means an athlete is playing to her potential, loving her sport, and having the tools to handle the ups and downs.

[00:05:20] The Three Things Every Athlete Needs. To reach their potential, athletes need: knowledge of their sport, physical training, and mental training. Most only get the first two, even though 90% of their game is mental.

[00:07:07] Sign #1: She’s Entering the Prime Age. Ages 11–16 are the sweet spot for formal mental training. Younger athletes (5–10) can learn basics like breathing and visualization, while older athletes (16+) must train their mind to keep up with the demands.

[00:10:56] Sign #2: She’s Facing Normal Athlete Struggles. Nerves, comparison, mistakes, and beating herself up are all normal, but athletes need tools to handle them. Don’t wait until she’s spiraling; front-load the skills now.

[00:12:53] Sign #3: She Has Goals. If she wants to level up, whether that’s more playing time, varsity, or college, mental training is essential. The higher she goes, the more pressure she’ll face. The best time to start is while things are going well.

[00:13:57] In Season vs. Out of Season. There’s no wrong time to begin. In season, she can apply the tools right away. Out of season, she can go deeper in lower-stakes settings. Either way, a few minutes a week makes a big difference.

[00:15:32] How to Introduce It Without Shutting Her Down. Avoid saying, “You need confidence.” Instead, lead with support: “You have big goals, and the best athletes train their mind like they train their body.” Let her hear stories from other athletes, it clicks differently.

[00:16:32] Your Next Step. If you’re wondering if your daughter is ready for The Elite Mental Game, reach out to us. Or join us inside now, the doors are open, and we’d love to support her (and you) as she builds her confidence and mental strength.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes
• Grab the Conversation Guide for helping get your athlete on board with mental training

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.