Have you ever watched your daughter doubt herself right before a big game?
Or wondered if the words you say are helping or hurting her confidence? If you’ve been there – grappling with how to support her without overstepping – you’re not alone. Here, we get into practical ways to give your athlete the confidence boost she needs, exactly when she needs it most. Whether it’s a tough practice, pre-game jitters, or post-game reflections, the right words can make all the difference.
Why Words Matter
Your words carry weight. As parents, we sometimes underestimate how much our verbal and nonverbal communication shapes our kids’ confidence. Building confidence isn’t just about telling them to “shake it off” or “stay positive.” It’s about creating a foundation where they trust themselves and feel capable, no matter what.
Two key components build confidence:
- What you say: This includes your encouragement, affirmations, and even the way you listen.
- Her skills: Beyond physical training, does she have mental tools to handle setbacks and build resilience?
The magic happens when these two areas align. Let’s explore some actionable phrases you can use in three key moments: day-to-day, pre-game, and post-game.
Day-to-Day Confidence Builders
The majority of your athlete’s time isn’t spent competing or training. It’s in the everyday moments – going to school, hanging out with friends, or chatting with you. These moments are golden opportunities to reinforce her confidence by focusing on who she is rather than what she does.
Highlight Her Positive Qualities
Confidence isn’t tied solely to performance. Show her that you value her for who she is outside of her sport. Use phrases like:
“I love how hard you work, even when things get tough.”
“Your kindness toward your teammates really stood out today.”
“You’re such a great listener. I see how much your friends value that.”
Pro tip: Stick a note on her mirror or send a quick text with one of these affirmations. She might roll her eyes, but trust me – she’s absorbing it.
Use ‘I Believe You’
When your athlete comes to you with frustrations or concerns, resist the urge to dismiss or reframe her feelings. Instead, validate her perspective. For example: “I believe you. That sounds really tough.”
This simple phrase builds trust and reinforces her confidence in her ability to process emotions. Note: If she’s being overly critical of herself, gently redirect. For instance: “You and I both know that’s not true. But I believe you, it’s a hard feeling to sit with.”
Pre-Game Confidence Boosters
Before competition, emotions can run high. Your athlete might feel nervous or even irritable. This is a great time to keep things simple, focusing on what’s within her control.
Create a Go-To Phrase
Consistency is key. Choose a short, repeatable phrase that centers her mindset, like:
“Have fun. Be yourself.”
“Do your best. Let go of the rest.”
“Trust your training. You’ve got this.”
Make it personal and memorable. These words can become her mental anchor before every game.
Infuse Humor
Adding humor can help ease nerves. If you can make her laugh, you’re helping her relax and shift focus. Share a silly joke or lighthearted comment – something to break the tension and remind her it’s okay to enjoy the moment.
Post-Game Confidence Builders
Whether she wins or loses, post-game conversations are critical for building confidence. Here’s how to navigate this time effectively.
If She’s Celebrating a Win
Instead of solely focusing on the outcome, highlight the process and qualities that contributed to her success:
“I’m so proud of how you stayed focused and pushed through the tough moments.”
“Your hard work and dedication really paid off today.”
This reinforces that her success isn’t just luck – it’s rooted in her effort and mindset.
If She’s Processing a Loss
Disappointment is inevitable in sports. Let her feel it without rushing to fix or reframe her emotions. Use the LOVE framework:
- L: Let her lead: Ask, “Do you want to talk about the game, or not right now?” Respect her answer.
- O: Open the space: Create a post-game routine, like grabbing a snack or taking a drive together. Let her talk when she’s ready.
- V: Validate her feelings: Say, “I can see you’re frustrated. That’s a hard feeling to deal with.”
- E: Encourage inward reflection: Ask questions like, “What went well?” or “What are you going to focus on for next time?”
These steps allow her to process the experience and build resilience without feeling rushed or dismissed.
The Bigger Picture
As parents, it’s easy to feel like you need to have all the answers. But your role isn’t to fix every problem or prevent every disappointment. Instead, it’s about creating a space where your athlete feels safe to navigate her emotions, celebrate her wins, and learn from her losses.
The tools we’ve discussed today – simple phrases, consistent routines, and the LOVE framework – are powerful ways to support her journey. And when paired with mental skills training, like the tools taught in our Elite Mental Game program, you’re setting her up for long-term success both on and off the field.
Want More Tools?
If you’re ready to take this to the next level, check out my free training for sports moms at trainhergame.com. You’ll get actionable insights, plus a bonus cheat sheet with 25 key phrases to boost your athlete’s confidence.
Together, we can help our daughters thrive – not just as athletes, but as strong, confident young women. Let’s keep building their mental game, one phrase at a time!
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Introduction to boosting athletes’ confidence through simple phrases.
[01:00] Shoutout to Renata and her success using mental training tools.
[02:00] Importance of combining verbal communication with athlete mental skills.
[03:00] Overview of the key focus: day-to-day, pre-game, and post-game confidence strategies.
[04:00] Encouraging athletes to develop self-trust and skills for overcoming setbacks.
[05:00] Highlighting positive qualities outside of sports to build confidence.
[06:00] Simple strategies like sticky notes and verbal affirmations for day-to-day encouragement.
[07:00] Using the phrase “I believe you” to validate athletes’ feelings.
[08:00] Adjusting responses to support athletes without reinforcing negative self-talk.
[09:00] Playful ways to engage teens and tweens in positive conversations.
[10:00] Pre-game strategies: keeping phrases short and focused on what’s in their control.
[11:00] Examples of pre-game taglines and humor to ease nerves.
[12:00] Post-game reflections: emphasizing effort and controllable factors over outcomes.
[13:00] Supporting athletes’ emotional processing after wins or losses.
[14:00] LOVE framework for post-game confidence building: Let her lead, Open the space, Validate feelings, Encourage inward.
[15:00] Examples of post-game questions to foster self-reflection and learning.
[16:00] Athletes’ post-competition routines to build confidence objectively.
[17:00] Recap of day-to-day, pre-game, and post-game strategies with key takeaways.
[18:00] Reminder to download the free PDF with 25 key phrases at trainhergame.com.
Next Steps:
- Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
- Visit our podcast website for more great episodes
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