#59: The Car Ride Home – What To Say (And Not Say) After Your Daughter Competes

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The car ride home after the game is one of your biggest opportunities to build your daughter’s confidence. Unfortunately, many parents turn this into one of the most dreaded parts of an athlete’s playing experience. 

Don’t be one of them!

Moms, you have a significant impact on your daughters’ self-esteem. And I don’t want you to consider it a burden. Remember that you shape her confidence by influencing her environment and offering chances for her. So simply altering and adjusting how you show up and say things has an effect on her confidence.

Radiate confidence by the atmosphere you create and the chances you offer her.

How To Shape Your Daughter’s Environment 

How do you shape your daughter’s environment for the better? We do that in two major ways.

(a) through nonverbal communication, which is your own thoughts, words, actions, and your habits, basically your own confidence and how you show up 

(b) and through verbal communication. 

What you say to her during her training period, pre-competition, competition, and post-competition is critical. But your ideas about yourself, your own words about yourself, your habits, your behaviors, and how you show up every day, on the other hand, have a huge effect on your daughter. 

And it is here that you will make the most of your contribution.

The non-verbal piece is not just the icing on the cake it is the actual cake itself. How you are really going to give impact long-term is in that non-verbal communication. 

And that’s what we go over in the clinic. Within 90 minutes we go deep into it. You can go to Christina brand.com/enroll and see it for yourself. We’ll be talking about how you influence the environment in your nonverbal communication. And we’re going to be talking about the elite competitor program, which is our signature eight-week program for athletes. 

During competitions, it helps to ask your daughter what she needs from you.

It’s never helpful for you to be yelling, coaching advice from the sidelines, and screaming negative things to your daughter or teammates. Ask your daughter what she needs.

In the elite competitor society, we had moms that were saying “yes, this works”. They asked their daughter what she needs from them. And their daughters tell them honestly. They just need their parents to smile, be encouraging, and cheer for the whole team. It’s the simplest thing.

The same attitude should be kept, especially after the game.

Read further below for tips you can take away to help your daughter gain confidence even after long a day.

Let Her Lead

The car ride home here is what we need to keep in mind. Because the last thing you want is for her to dread coming to you after her competition. The last thing you want after she goes out and competes is to hate riding that car home with you.

For that, we have a framework that you could follow, called L-O-V-E. 

L stands for Let her lead. As moms, we like to fix things. Inserting advice that “it’s ok” or “mistakes happen” will not be helpful at the moment. The more that you try to convince your daughter to feel a different way than what she’s feeling, the more uncomfortable and self-doubting she becomes. Because confidence is also having to trust what you feel. 

So, don’t try to cancel and invalidate your daughter’s feelings by saying “it’s not a big deal”. What she needs is to feel that her feelings are valid and real.

Be Her Safe Space

Just be that space. Some of them don’t wanna talk about the game, let her do that. Some of them do wanna talk about the game, then let her talk and ask open-end questions. Let her lead without you jumping in and trying to fix and solve her path. If she doesn’t wanna talk, don’t force her to talk. 

One of the best things you can say to your daughter after a competition is where do you wanna go eat?

No matter if she won or lost, remind her that you are going to be there. And it doesn’t matter if she wants to talk about it or not.

Build Her Confidence From Within

If athletes are asking for feedback from you as a mom, that’s a tricky situation. You don’t want to turn them into people-pleasing athletes who seek validation from others. They should be getting feedback from their coach. 

What we can do is turn that lens inward. If they ask you how they do, ask them how they feel, their goals for that game, and whether they’ve achieved those goals. 

They should learn to look to themselves for their confidence, and not from the outside.

There’s a whole thing that I go into with moms of the athletes who are going through our programs. And we’re going to tackle these pointers more in-depth. We’re gonna talk about what moms of confident athletes do differently through proven strategies. 

It is a great clinic for you if you are a mom who is committed to your daughter’s confidence in her sport and in her life. 

And we’re also providing the opportunity for your daughter there too! We’re gonna be talking about the elite competitor program, which is opening up in a few days to the public. It is our signature eight-week program for female athletes to develop the mental side of the game.

You have to provide her the opportunities to cultivate her own confidence, to work on her mental gain. Surround her with support and with opportunities for her to cultivate her own confidence and help her on her journey. And that’s where the elite competitor program helps. 

Keep in mind that you shape her confidence by influencing her environment and providing opportunities for her. Simply changing and tweaking how you seem and say things has an influence on her confidence. And in order to help her shape good self-esteem and confidence, remember to;

  • Just let her lead. She’s gonna lead you where she needs to be and you just need to be their support.
  • Be her space. Be her person. Be that comfort whether she won or lost.
  • Build her confidence from within. Let her know she can come to you and you’re not going to be judgmental. You’re not gonna be criticizing.

Ask her what she needs. And let her know that what she feels is valid. Let her do her thing. If she wants to talk about it, let her know you’re there to listen. And let her rest. 

Let that car ride home be the ride they always want to take win or lose.


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