#54: The Importance of Modeling Confidence For Your Athlete Daughter w/ Melissa Vogel

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So you’re up real early and preparing all these snacks and vegetables in preparation for your daughter’s game. Everything’s all set and she’s all set with her gear and food. But what about you? 

When was the last time you ate? Did you even have breakfast before preparing your daughter’s food and taking off for the game?

Showing up the best for your daughter starts with how you show up for yourself. 

Let’s not forget that we are our daughters’ role models and whatever we do for ourselves and for them mirrors what they do for themselves and their children in the future. How you parent will be how your daughter parents. 

From Melissa Vogel:

Many moms in our community provide a lot of opportunities for their daughters, but often overlook the importance of investing in themselves. What are the pitfalls here?

Oftentimes, moms in our community provide a lot of opportunities for their daughters. They put their main focus on their daughters and they’re trying to make their daughters better, which is great, but they overlook the importance of investing in themselves. 

The pitfalls here are that moms who are not focused on investing in themselves and just shifting that focus to other places are teaching their daughter habits and like how to be a parent. So if you as a mom, are projecting a habit of neglecting yourself and giving your all to your daughter, you unconsciously pass on that habit to her. And that’s what she’s gonna do when she’s a parent one day.

We’re living in a world where most women are stuck in a body that they know they’re overweight, that they know they’re not getting enough sleep, that they’re miserable, and this affects everything mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, everything. So ladies, be very careful because that’s what your daughter’s gonna turn into one day.

Do you want your daughter living the same life that you’re living right now if you’re not happy?

You have athlete daughters – in what way have you invested in yourself and how do you see this transfer to how they show up (in their sport and in life)?

Eat protein. Pay attention to the ingredient labels that you’re fueling your body with because that’s not this locale no sugar added packaged granola bar. There’s so much crap out there. You have to eat real food. That’s number one; fueling your body. Whatever you put into your body, will be your fuel and it’s better to be energized and healthy when going about your day and supporting your daughter than going purely on sugar with nothing on your stomach. The stress and sugar high will drive you crazy and you won’t be in the right mindset to interact with your daughter. 

Number two, mindset. You know, what state of mind are you in when you’re driving in the morning? What words are you saying to yourself like, “Oh my God, why are we late? We’re always late!” or even just positive things that you’re saying to yourself that morning? Like, “oh my god, I look like crap. Come on. Let’s go.” You know, because if you’re rushed or you’re tired, like, “Oh, nothing fits me anymore.” 

Your daughter hears that as she’s getting ready in the other bathroom. Be very aware of what you’re saying and what you’re speaking to yourself, because she’s gonna hear and she’s gonna model the same thing and come out and be like, “ugh! Nothing fits me!” in the future. You wouldn’t want her to have that kind of mindset. It’s not building the confidence that you want to build in her. 

What are the key healthy habits that are important that we as moms are modeling for our daughters?

I see women all the time roll up to volleyball tournaments. And there’s just a smorgasbord of food for kids, right? Like, the tents are set up is there’s like food everywhere. My daughter’s team does that and stuff. And I’m like, “here’s the veggies, here’s your granola.” The other kids had all sorts of food with them, there’s M&Ms and the like. So I’m watching the moms and none of them are even really eating. Preparation starts with being up at 4 am preparing to leave and shower, and getting everyone ready out the door to be there by seven, even though they don’t play till 12. And then you can go, where was the preparation for yourself?

That’s the key element there. Have a little preparation for yourself first before you can get your daughter started on their day. 

For me, I packed food for myself, I don’t eat the smorgasbord stuff. And I’m watching this. And to you moms it’s awful. The kids have great food to eat and all that stuff. And they’re not gonna go hungry but what about you?

The coffee that you grabbed at Starbucks on the way to the tournament, whether that’s volleyball or basketball, or cheer, or whatever you’re on your way to? That’s not enough to fuel you. Right?  

We have to stop and be like, “okay, they’re all planned and prepared, and they’re set for the day.” But what did you do for yourself? By the end of the day, you could be crashing, wanting to stop through Starbucks again, just giving yourself another sugar boost. And then by the time you get home, and you’re done with volleyball, you’d just end up crashing on the couch, exhausted. You’ve spent the entire day giving to your child, and nothing to yourself.

So here are key healthy habits we have to model to our daughters: 

Eat healthy.

Make sure you’re feeding your body properly. Eat protein, pay attention to the ingredient labels that you’re you’re fueling your body with. Your daughters are athletes and a healthy diet is important for them to sustain their performance and be able to fuel themselves in their sport. By setting an example of healthy eating, you encourage them to be more health-conscious with the food they eat. If you’re healthy, you’ll be able to support them better. 

Be a role model of mindset.

Don’t give yourself self-talks that depreciate yourself or complaints about stress and exhaustion. When your daughter hears these, it’ll affect her psychology and she’ll soon mirror these sentiments. It’ll destroy her confidence in the long run. 

Take care of yourself.

Lose the running on sugar and 3 hours of sleep habit. Be active and take care of yourself. If you give too much to your daughter, there will come a time when you won’t have anything left of you and it not only affects you but your daughter as well. Children, even if they’re adolescents always look up to adults and tend to mimic our actions, habits, and movements. It’s their way of learning through the people around them. So, set a good example of self-love and care for your daughter by starting with yourself. 

Be active.

Workout and make it so that you’re not punishing yourself or you’re “burning off” calories. And that might be going to the gym and actually doing a hardcore workout four times a week. Then the other days, you’re just walking, you’re being intentionally active, that is going to help you start developing the habits the routine of like, “I do this no matter what. I do this no matter what. I do this no matter what.” It becomes a habit. 

As mothers, as parents, we have a huge impact on the development of our children. We mold them to be the person that they will grow up to be. So the best way to build confidence in your daughters is to start with you. 

Keep in mind the key points throughout the podcast episode: 

  • How you parent will be how your daughter parents.
  • How you fuel your body impacts how you show up for your daughter, which then impacts her confidence and performance.
  • The most important way you can give and invest in your daughter.
  • Why our habits as moms are so important to our daughter’s confidence and performance.
  • The key behaviors you should be focusing on that make the biggest difference in how your daughter shows up in the court/field and in life.
  • When you change your mindset, your life starts to change (including what you get invited to…).
  • How to help your daughter to stay motivated towards her goals.


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