Are you tired of hearing the same old advice about “mental toughness”?

You know, the stuff about gritting your teeth and pushing through pain?  Well, guess what? That approach is outdated and, frankly, harmful.

In this episode, we’ll explore why the “mental toughness” mantra falls flat and what you can do instead to build your daughter’s confidence. We’ll ditch the drill sergeant routine and create a supportive environment where your athlete can truly thrive.

Why “Mental Toughness” Backfires

We’ve all heard it: “Be mentally tough,” they say. “Suck it up,” they say. But for young athletes, this pressure to be emotionless robots can be disastrous. Here’s why:

• Anxiety and Perfectionism. Telling girls to suppress their emotions can lead to anxiety and a crippling fear of failure. They start to think, “If I show weakness, I’m not good enough.”
• Burnout. Constantly pushing through pain and ignoring emotions leads to exhaustion and a feeling of disconnection from the sport they once loved.
• Emotional Suppression. Bottling up emotions can make them stronger, not weaker. This can lead to outbursts or hinder performance.

A Different Approach to Mistakes

Take Shelley’s story as an example. Her daughter is in our Elite Mental Game program, a self-paced course designed to strengthen the mental game and confidence of young athletes. Shelley noticed her daughter becoming more focused and less frustrated at practice. Instead of shutting down after mistakes, she reset and came back stronger. This is what we aim for – a confident, resilient athlete who can handle setbacks without crumbling under pressure.

The Old Way vs. The Better Way

Telling athletes to “suck it up” makes them tense and nervous, which leads to more mistakes. Our approach is different. Instead of creating fragile snowflakes, we foster a safe space for athletes to process their emotions and build genuine confidence.

The Harmful Effects of Mental Toughness. The old advice of mental toughness often leads to athletes shoving down their emotions, which can cause anxiety, panic attacks, and perfectionism. For example, one athlete in our program shared how pressure led to anxiety and panic attacks before races. Another athlete felt she could never be good enough, no matter how hard she tried. These issues stem from the harmful notion that athletes should ignore their feelings and grind through pain.

Real Voices, Real Struggles. Let’s hear from the athletes themselves. One said, “I put a lot of pressure on myself and have anxiety and panic attacks before races.” Another shared, “I tend to think a lot of people are better than me and no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough.” These sentiments highlight the damaging effects of the old mental toughness approach.

Building True Confidence

We can replace outdated, harmful advice with a proven process that builds mental strength without sacrificing mental health. Here’s how:

The What to Say Challenge. Our What to Say Challenge helps parents support their athletes without relying on harmful phrases like “suck it up.” It focuses on four main areas:

• Day-to-Day Confidence Boosters. Most of your daughter’s time isn’t spent playing her sport but in daily life. Use this time to empower her with language that highlights her positive qualities beyond her achievements. This builds a strong foundation of confidence and improves your relationship.
• Pre-Game Pep Talks. Avoid phrases like “just be confident” or “don’t be nervous.” Instead, use strategies like “name it to tame it” to help her manage her emotions. Acknowledge her feelings and use game phrases that focus on what’s in her control.
• During Competition. Stay regulated on the sidelines and support her in the way she needs. Whether she needs you to be the hype parent or the calm one, ask her what’s helpful. Avoid coaching from the sidelines and focus on being a supportive presence.
• Post-Competition Scripts. Post-competition time is crucial for building confidence. During this time, make sure to validate her feelings, give her space to process, and use open-ended questions. Avoid jumping in with criticism or a barrage of questions. This approach makes post-competition car rides productive and strengthens your bond.

By following these tips, you’re not just building a confident athlete, you’re building a strong and supportive relationship with your daughter. She’ll learn valuable life skills like managing emotions, overcoming challenges, and maintaining confidence even when things get tough.

A Parent’s Role in Shaping Confidence

Your role is to shape the environment and provide opportunities. You’re not the athlete or the coach, but you can influence your daughter’s confidence by what you say and how you act.

Remember: What you say about yourself impacts your daughter’s confidence. We discussed this in part three, so check that out for more details. Your self-talk matters as much as what you say to her.

The Bottom Line

True mental toughness is about resilience and the ability to handle challenges, not just pushing through pain. By creating a supportive environment and using the right words, you can help your daughter become a confident and well-adjusted athlete.

If you want to dive deeper into these techniques, join our free training for sports moms at trainhergame.com. You’ll get a 25-key-phrases PDF and learn how to build your daughter’s mental game without sacrificing her mental health.

Ready to take the next step? Join our Elite Mental Game program and get lifetime access to all the content and coaching you need to support your athlete. We’re offering a $400 discount in celebration of our Summer Confidence Series.

Episode Highlights: 

[01:10] Introduction to Mental Toughness.

[01:18] Shout-out to Shelley for her support and contributions to the community.

[02:00] Critique of Mental Toughness Approach. The shortcomings and potential harm of the mental toughness approach in sports.

Introducing a New Approach: Safe Space. Creating a safe space for athletes as a more effective alternative.

[3:40] Impact on Athletes: Anxiety and Perfectionism. The link between traditional mental toughness and increased anxiety and perfectionism among athletes.

[07:32] Building Confidence in Athletes: Four Key Areas of Focus. The four key areas for boosting athletes’ confidence.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Enroll in The Elite Mental Game – our self-paced training program proven to strengthen your athlete’s mental game and confidence with a $400 discount here!
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.