Watching your daughter compete in sports is an exciting and rewarding experience, right?

As a parent, you want her to strive for greatness, be determined, and play with unwavering confidence. However, some young athletes may struggle with finding the fire within them to compete fiercely. They might hold back, play it safe, or lack the drive needed to push themselves further.

If you see your daughter exhibiting signs of hesitancy on the field, court, or mat, you might want to encourage a shift towards a more aggressive style of play. However, remember to approach this with a supportive and understanding heart to inspire a positive change in her mindset.

Let’s explore the potential reasons behind these tendencies and what you can do as a parent to help.

Tip #1: Identify the Reason Behind Hesitation

Why do some athletes hold back? The first step is to understand why your daughter might be holding back. Let’s take a closer look at some of the reasons why young athletes, particularly girls, may hold back in sports:

• Perceived Limitations. Your daughter might mistakenly believe her physical attributes are limitations, for instance, “I’m too short to play that position” or “I’m not fast enough.” These beliefs limit her view of her potential, creating a false narrative of what it takes to be successful in her sport.

• Personality Traits. Some athletes are naturally more introverted or prefer taking on a supportive role. “I don’t mind playing more of a supportive role,” an athlete might tell herself, even if they have hidden aspirations to be more assertive on the field.

• Fear. Your daughter could harbor underlying fears – the fear of making mistakes, the fear of disappointing her teammates, coaches, and even you. Or even the fear of shining too brightly and overshadowing others. The number one job of our brains, especially an athlete’s brain, is to keep us safe. This translates to feeling a sense of psychological safety alongside the physical safety of competitive sports.
• Lack of Clarity. It’s possible your daughter simply doesn’t understand the expectations of her role within the team. Without clarity, she might demonstrate hesitancy in her actions.

Tip #2: Is This Her Problem or Yours?

It’s important to determine if your daughter’s perceived lack of aggression is actually an issue for her, or if it’s something that bothers you more.  Ask yourself:

• Is she enjoying her sport? Is she having fun?
• Is she happy with her progress and achieving the goals she sets for herself?
• Is her hesitancy holding her back from realizing her full potential?

It’s important to respect your daughter’s personality and individual playing style. Some athletes’ personalities just don’t lean towards the more aggressive type. As you know your daughter best, you can recognize her natural tendencies.

Here’s the important takeaway: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this! If she’s content, enjoys the sport, and thrives while playing at her own pace, encouraging a more aggressive style might actually hinder her enjoyment and performance.

Tip #3: Positive Reinforcement and Recognition

Many athletes subconsciously connect their self-worth to external validation like praise and recognition. If you primarily recognize her accomplishments (stats, scores), she might become hesitant to take risks that could lead to mistakes.

Instead, focus on praising her effort, hard work, positive character traits, and hustle, regardless of the outcome. This will help build her confidence and intrinsic motivation.

Tip #4: Equip Her with Mental Skills

Athletes need more than physical skills – they need the mental skills to handle failure, pressure, and negative thoughts. Does your daughter know how to bounce back from mistakes? Does she know that those butterflies in her stomach can actually help her perform?

Athletes need mental tools to navigate the challenges of competition, including:

• Failure Recovery. Teach her a routine to bounce back from mistakes, so she doesn’t get discouraged.

• Pressure Management. Help her reframe pressure and anxiety as positive forces that can enhance her performance.

• Cognitive Restructuring. Teach her to identify and challenge negative thought patterns that hold her back.

These mental skills will allow her to perform at her best without fear or self-doubt.

Tip #5: Use the Alter Ego Technique

For athletes who struggle to reconcile their personality with the demands of their sport, the alter ego technique can be a powerful tool. Here’s how it works:

• Brainstorm Qualities. Have your daughter define the characteristics of her ideal, aggressive athlete self. How does this athlete behave?

• Choose an Animal. Select an animal that embodies those qualities (lion, cheetah, etc.) to solidify the alter ego’s personality.

• Channel the Spirit. Encourage her to visualize or focus on her chosen animal before competition to embody its aggressive confidence.

This playful technique allows her to separate her everyday self from the competitive persona she needs to excel on the court or field.

The Bottom Line

Encouraging your daughter to play with more aggression isn’t about changing who she is at her core – it’s about empowering her to unlock her full potential and play with greater confidence. By understanding the reasons behind her hesitation, focusing on her strengths, and giving her the mental tools she needs, you can help her cultivate the inner competitor that will propel her to new heights in her sport.

Remember, this is a journey, not a sprint. Celebrate her progress, support her through challenges, and be her biggest cheerleader as she embraces a more assertive and fearless style of play. Good luck!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00] Helping athletes overcome fear of failure to be more aggressive in their sport. Discover strategies to help athletes, especially daughters, be more aggressive in their sports without holding back.

[02:42] Helping daughters overcome self-limiting beliefs in sports. The subconscious mind plays a significant role in shaping an athlete’s performance, and beliefs about oneself can limit potential, even if logically argued otherwise.

[07:33] Reasons why athletes hesitate or hold back on the court.

[12:31] Parental support for athletes’ mental health.

[17:08] Developing deep confidence in athletes through mental training.

[21:51] Helping athletic daughters overcome fear and aggression issues.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

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