#118: How To Help Your Daughter When She’s Being Negative. 3 Strategies That Build Her Confidence So She Stops Beating Herself Up

click here



As a sports mom, you know first hand that there are times where your daughter is down and out. Maybe she’s feeling frustrated with her performance, she’s being super negative, or maybe she’s getting caught up in that downward spiral.

We’re going to talk about that today. How do you help support your athlete when she is beating herself up? 

Before we get into this, I have a favor to ask. In order to get this podcast into the ears of as many families as possible and help us bring on the best guests to serve YOU, please take a minute to rate and review the podcast wherever you love to listen. This helps us more than you know, and also helps you get even better content.

Alright, let’s talk about what to do when your daughter is being negative!

Nod your head if you’ve ever heard any of these from your daughter:

  • Only wants to talk about the things she did wrong in a game
  • Every time you give her a compliment she turns it negative or says “you have to say that, you’re my mom!”
  • Nothing is ever good enough

I frequently ask moms in our community what they struggle with most in supporting their athlete daughter and “Negative Mindset” is always a top response!

Here’s what you need to know:

Average athletes:

  • Believe they have to be hard on themselves in order to play well, otherwise they’re letting their guard down
  •  Don’t want others to believe they think they’re “too good.” It’s safer to focus on their flaws & mistakes… and be liked
  • Don’t know the difference between thought and fact; they believe everything they think

As her mom, you want:

  • Believe in herself

  • Notice the positives too

  • Recognize all the great things she did

  • Know that she is good enough, no matter what anyone else might say

  • Have positive self-talk

  • Be proud of herself

 So you…try to help by giving her advice and encouragement

  • “Focus on the positives”
  • “You did so many great things out there today, too!”
  • “You’re just as good as everyone else”
  • “You’re not chubby, you’re beautiful”
  • “You do belong on this team”
  • “They do like you”

Unfortunately, telling isn’t teaching. Just telling her things isn’t actually teaching her how to overcome her own limiting beliefs and shift her negative self-talk into something more productive.

Plus, your daughter doesn’t need you telling her everything. Your daughter needs her mom… and then to learn the skill of shifting her own thoughts.

You can’t do this for her. This is one space where she has to learn the skills to do it herself.

But there are a few things you must do to help…

#1 – Stay in your role:

  • Shape the environment
  • Provide opportunities

#2 – Understand where she’s coming from:

  • Validate her experience
  • Know that this is part of her psychology as a person & athlete
  • Remember that the brain’s #1 job is to keep us safe
  • Research shows that people tend to focus more on the negative as they try to make sense of their experiences (Negativity Bias)

#3 – Provide HER the tools she needs to help herself. The could look like:

  •  Sharing our new Athlete Tip podcast episodes
  • Enrolling her in The Elite Competitor Program
  • Helping her strengthen her mental game

Your daughter’s role:

While you are doing your own work to support her, her role is to start recognizing these negative thoughts, evaluate her performance, shift her thinking, not attach her self-worth to her performance.

But she needs the tools to do this. It isn’t innate for our brains to process in this manner unless we’re taught how to do so. Our more natural response is to notice the negative and be hard on ourselves. If you’re anything like me, you’ve experienced this and know exactly what I’m talking about.

However, it is totally possible:

  • for your daughter to have a productive way to process her experiences and emotions
  • for her to not be on a roller coaster of emotions that she falls whim to and feel confident instead
  • to not have a miserable car ride home after competitors
  • to not have her emotions hijack the dinner table

It just starts with doing the work!

You can get started by joining our free training for Sports Moms that is happening now! Learn exactly how to get started with mental training for your athlete daughter! We’ll be going over our proven Unstoppable Athlete Method to teach you the first steps to strengthening her mental game so she believes in herself as much as you do!

Register at: trainhergame.com

All Episodes, Building Confidence, Overcoming Mistakes

listen now

In the latest episode of The Raising Unstoppable Girl Athletes Podcast, Coach Bre shares tips on unlocking the power of confidence to help girl athletes excel.

Do This To Be More Confident In Your Next Competition

listen now

Kylie shares her insights into how utilizing resources like those taught inside ECP has helped her level up by improving her mental game.

How To Train The Mental Game w/ D1 Beach Volleyball Player Kylie DeBerg

listen now

ave you ever had to deal with negative teammates? The ones who bring unnecessary drama or negativity to the team dynamic?

Athlete Tip (How To Handle Negative Teammates)

Know what to say with these top episodes

Your Varsity-level skill set

Listen to our most loved 
athlete tips episodes

Looking for tips for your athlete?