If you’re reading this, I already know something about you:

You deeply care about your daughter; not just how she performs in her sport, but how she feels about herself while she’s doing it.

You’re not just showing up to practices, games, and tournaments, you’re emotionally in it. You want her to believe in herself. You want her to stop second-guessing, to bounce back from mistakes, and to enjoy the game instead of crumbling under pressure.

That’s what this 4-part Summer Confidence Series is all about – real tools and honest conversations to help you raise a confident, mentally strong girl athlete.

In Part 1, we talk about three ways you might be unintentionally lowering your daughter’s confidence, without even knowing it. And don’t worry, this isn’t about shame or guilt. Every single one of these points comes from a place of love and wanting the best for her. But sometimes, our good intentions need better tools.

Let’s dig into what’s really going on and how you can help.

Expecting the Coach to Handle the Mental Game

This one shows up a lot. You hear the coach say, “She’s got the physical tools, she just needs more confidence.”

And you’re thinking, “Okay… so can you help her with that?”

I get it. As a coach myself, I’ve said those exact words in the past. But here’s the truth most sports parents don’t hear: Most coaches do not know how to teach the mental side of the game.

They may want mentally strong athletes. They might even throw around words like “resilient” or “mental toughness.” But very few coaches are actually trained to develop those skills. It’s not part of the typical coaching certification process. And even if they believe in mental training, they often don’t have the time, tools, or resources to teach it.

I didn’t either, until I spent my own money, time, and energy to become a certified mental performance coach. That wasn’t something I was taught in any volleyball clinic or course. I had to go out and get it. 

So, when we as parents assume that our athlete’s mental game is being coached alongside the physical, we’re often setting them – and ourselves – up for frustration.

What to do instead: Let’s shift the mindset from, “The coach should fix this,” to, “How can I help give her the tools she needs?”

Because here’s the truth: even the best coach can’t undo the negative self-talk, pregame nerves, or fear of failure that lives inside your daughter’s mind. That’s where mental training comes in and that’s something you can be part of. You don’t have to coach her, but you can guide her to the right tools, programs, and support that will.

Hoping She’ll “Figure It Out” with More Experience

This one is so common:

“She’ll grow out of it.”

“It’s just a rough patch.”

“She’ll be more confident next season.”

Listen, I completely understand why we think this. Experience usually brings growth, right? And yes, some confidence can come from competence. When she improves her skills, gets more playing time, or makes a higher-level team, there’s often a natural boost in confidence.

But that boost can be short-lived if she doesn’t have the mental foundation to support it. Remember: The higher your daughter goes in her sport, the more will be expected of her.

When I made varsity as a freshman, I wasn’t less nervous, I was more nervous. When I made the top club team, the pressure wasn’t lighter, it was heavier. The competition was tougher. The stakes were higher. And I wasn’t automatically more confident just because I had a better uniform or played on a bigger stage.

And your daughter won’t be either.

What to do instead: Think of her confidence like a muscle. It doesn’t grow stronger by just waiting. It grows stronger through consistent, intentional training—just like any physical skill she’s learning.

Instead of waiting for the next level to “build her up,” help her build now for what’s coming.

Teach her how to handle pressure. Show her how to reframe her mindset. Give her the tools to bounce back when she stumbles. That’s what prepares her; not for the team she’s on today, but the one she wants to be on next.

Believing It’s Just a Phase

If you’ve found yourself thinking, “This is just a phase,” when your daughter is shutting down after games, second-guessing herself, or melting under pressure, you’re not alone. I hear this all the time. 

But here’s the hard truth: This isn’t just a phase. It’s how she’s handling pressure with the current skills she has.

The nerves, the self-doubt, the emotional ups and downs – those aren’t random. They’re showing you exactly where your daughter is mentally right now. And unless she learns how to handle those things differently, they’ll follow her to the next team, the next level, or even into her everyday life. Changing environments, like switching coaches or teams, can help in certain situations. But if your daughter doesn’t build the skills to handle nerves, setbacks, and tough conversations, those challenges will come with her.

What to do instead: Instead of brushing it off as a phase, lean in. Watch her closely; not just how she performs, but how she reacts.

Does she bounce back quickly after a mistake? Is she constantly comparing herself to teammates? Does she shut down or get snappy after a rough game?

These moments are clues. They’re windows into what her brain is telling her and they’re opportunities for growth if you’ve got the right tools to help her.

The Truth About Confidence

Here’s what I really want you to take away from all of this: Confidence starts in your daughter’s mind and that’s also where it can fall apart.

Her brain can either limit her potential or unlock it. If she’s constantly hearing “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t belong here,” then no amount of extra practice will fix what’s really going on.

And that matters, not just for her sport, but for her life. Because sports are more than games. They’re mirrors. If she’s shrinking back on the field, she may be shrinking back in the classroom, in friendships, in her own belief about who she is.

That’s why mental training is not optional. It’s essential.

The Formula That Actually Builds Confidence

In our program, we follow what we call the Elite Performance Formula. It’s made up of three key areas:

• Sport Knowledge. Understanding the game, strategies, and how to compete.
• Physical Training. Strength, endurance, reps, and conditioning.
• Mental Training. Belief, resilience, mindset, and handling emotions.

These three parts don’t just sit side by side; they multiply one another. If you throw a zero into any part of the equation? The whole thing collapses.

So yes, she needs to practice. But if she’s showing up to every practice, every private lesson, every clinic yet still says “I’m not good enough,” that’s a sign the mental part of her game is lagging behind.

And it doesn’t have to be that way.

Why This Matters So Much (And Why I Care So Deeply)

I’ve lived this. I was the high-performing athlete who crumbled under pressure. I didn’t have the tools to manage the expectations, and eventually, I walked away from the sport I loved. I told people I wanted to focus on academics, but deep down, I was burned out, emotionally exhausted, and didn’t know how to cope.

Thankfully, I got a second chance. I became a walk-on at a college program that prioritized mental training, and it changed everything. I studied sports psychology. I rebuilt my confidence. I played with joy again. And I knew I had to help other girls avoid what I went through.

Your daughter doesn’t have to wait for college, or rock bottom, to learn these skills.

Where We’re Headed Next

This Summer Confidence Series is just getting started. In the next three parts, we’re going to go deeper into:

• Part 2: Helping Her Bounce Back from Mistakes. Spoiler: this is the fastest way to build her confidence.
• Part 3: Flipping Her Negative Self-Talk. We’ll talk about what’s really going on in her brain when she says, “I suck,” and how to shift it.
• Part 4: How to Be Her Safe Space. Yep, you, Mama. You play a bigger role in her confidence than you think, and I’ll show you how to make it count.

Confident athletes aren’t born. They’re trained. And so are confident parents. Let’s stop crossing our fingers and start building the tools, together.

You’re doing a great job. You’re here. You’re learning. You care. See you for part two!

P.S. Make sure you’re registered for the Summer Confidence Series so you don’t miss an episode. You’ll also get the free printable PDF with scripts and tools to use each week. Check the link in the show notes to sign up!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] Kicking off the Summer Confidence Series. In this first part of our 4-part series, I’m laying the groundwork for helping your daughter build real confidence, starting with what might be unknowingly holding her back.

[00:01:15] Your companion guide for the series. Make sure you’re registered so you can grab the free PDF guide that goes along with this series. It’s packed with helpful scripts and tools you’ll want to have on hand.

[00:01:40] A small favor before we jump in. If this podcast has helped you, sharing it with another sports parent or leaving a quick review goes a long way in helping us reach more families.

[00:02:00] A win from one of our moms. Before we get into today’s topic, I had to share a proud moment from one of our moms in the program; proof that mental training really works when it matters most.

[00:03:16] Where we’re really coming from as parents. We’re all doing the best we can to support our athletes, but without clear tools, it’s easy to fall into habits that might be doing the opposite of what we intend.

[00:04:15] Confidence myth #1: “That’s the coach’s job.” Many parents believe the coach should handle mental training, but the reality is most coaches just aren’t equipped or trained to support that part of your athlete’s game.

[00:07:09] Confidence myth #2: “She’ll grow out of it.” It’s easy to think confidence will come with time or experience, but as the competition gets tougher, the pressure grows too.

[00:08:55] Confidence myth #3: “It’s just a phase.” When your daughter struggles with nerves or negativity, it’s not something she’ll magically grow out of. These are signs that she needs help building key mental skills.

[00:10:48] The real starting point of confidence. True confidence begins in her mind, before it ever shows up in how she plays. What she says to herself matters more than you think.

[00:12:26] Let’s not wait for a crisis. We’ve seen what happens when athletes don’t have the tools to manage pressure or setbacks. Let’s give your daughter those tools now, while it still feels manageable.

[00:13:08] The formula every athlete needs. Confidence doesn’t come from talent alone. It takes a balance of sport knowledge, physical work, and mental training – and missing just one can hold her back.

[00:14:45] My personal story as an athlete. I know what it’s like to be talented but still feel like you’re falling apart inside. That’s why I care so much about this work; it would’ve changed everything for me back then.

[00:16:24] Why reps alone won’t cut it. Extra practice helps, but it’s not enough. Without a strong mental game, all that physical training won’t lead to the confidence she really needs.

[00:17:01] What we’ll cover in the next episodes. This series will walk you through the three biggest shifts that help your daughter become a more confident, mentally strong athlete and how you can support her through each one.

[00:18:54] You don’t have to wing it anymore. We’re leaving behind the myths and moving toward real tools that make a real difference. I’m so glad you’re here and I can’t wait for what’s next.

Next Steps:

• Grab the free Summer Confidence Series PDF that goes along with all of the episodes! Get scripts, tips, and a recap of the episodes all in one place!
• Enroll in the Elite Mental Game with a 50% discount for our Summer Confidence Series through August 8th!
• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.