If your daughter is an athlete, you’ve probably seen it: the self-doubt, the negative self-talk, the spiral after one tiny mistake.
She beats herself up, focuses on the bad, and lets her confidence crumble before she even steps onto the field or court. Sound familiar? Here’s the hard truth: if she doesn’t learn how to handle these mental battles, she’ll never reach her full potential.
But here’s the good news: her mindset is coachable. Her mental game can be trained, just like her physical skills. And as her mom (or dad), you have the power to help her build the mental strength she needs to thrive; not just in sports, but in life.
In this episode, we talk about the three key things every sports mom needs to teach her daughter to become a mentally strong, confident athlete. These aren’t just fluffy tips, they’re proven strategies used by elite competitors. Let’s get into it.
Master Her Thoughts: The Thought Wheel
Here’s the deal: your daughter’s thoughts control her reality. If she’s constantly thinking, “I’m the worst,” “I can’t do this,” or “My coach hates me,” guess what? That’s exactly how she’ll perform. Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings, which lead to negative actions, and ultimately, negative results. It’s a vicious cycle.
But here’s the game-changer: she doesn’t have to accept every thought that pops into her head. Think of it like a sushi conveyor belt. Some thoughts are delicious and helpful – grab those. Others? Let them pass by. She doesn’t need to dwell on every negative thought that comes her way.
To help her master this, teach her the Thought Wheel. Here’s how it works:
- Situation: She’s in a tough spot (e.g., not getting enough playing time).
- Thought: She thinks, “I’m the worst player on the team.”
- Feeling: That thought makes her feel unmotivated and discouraged.
- Action: She avoids practice, doesn’t ask for coaching, and doesn’t work on her weaknesses.
- Result: She doesn’t improve, stays on the bench, and the cycle repeats.
The key is to break the cycle by changing her thoughts. Instead of “I’m the worst,” she can think, “This is hard, but I can do hard things.” That shift leads to better feelings, better actions, and better results.
Bounce Back Faster: The Snapback Routine
Mistakes are inevitable in sports. But here’s the thing: it’s not the mistake that defines your daughter, it’s how she responds to it. The longer it takes her to recover from a mistake, the more it’ll cost her in the game.
Elite athletes have a secret weapon: a Snapback Routine. This is a quick, fail-proof way to reset after a mistake and get back into the game. Here’s how it works:
- Inhale: Take a deep breath.
- Reset Word: Say a word that helps her refocus (e.g., “Strong,” “Focus,” “Next”).
- Exhale: Do a reset signal, like snapping her fingers or adjusting her hair tie.
This routine takes less than a second and helps her get back into the present moment. Why does this matter? Because athletes don’t perform well when they’re stuck in their heads, replaying their mistakes. The Snapback Routine brings her back to the here and now, where she can perform at her best.
Separate Who She Is From What She Does
This one’s for you, sports moms and dads. It’s natural to praise your daughter for her wins, stats, and championships. But here’s the problem: if you focus too much on her performance, she’ll start tying her self-worth to it.
The result? A teenager (and eventually an adult) who feels like she’s only as good as her last game. She’ll struggle to rest, feel crushed by failure, and base her entire identity on her athletic performance.
The solution? Separate who she is from what she does. Praise her effort, her preparation, and her positive qualities – not just her stats. Is she kind? Funny? A great friend? Tell her! Write sticky notes for her mirror: “I love how hard you work,” “Your kindness makes me proud,” or “You’re an amazing sister.”
By emphasizing her intrinsic qualities, you’re teaching her that her worth isn’t tied to her performance. She’s valuable because of who she is, not just what she does on the field or court.
The Bottom Line
Raising a mentally strong girl athlete isn’t about coddling or gentle parenting. It’s about equipping her with the tools she needs to handle challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and believe in herself.
Here’s the recap:
- Master Her Thoughts: Teach her to control her thoughts using the Thought Wheel.
- Bounce Back Faster: Help her develop a Snapback Routine to recover from mistakes in seconds.
- Separate Who She Is From What She Does: Praise her effort and character, not just her performance.
If you want to dive deeper into these strategies, check out the free training at trainhergame.com. It’s packed with actionable tips to help you support your daughter’s mental game.
Remember, mental strength isn’t just for sports, it’s for life. By teaching your daughter these skills, you’re setting her up to thrive, no matter what challenges come her way.
So, sports moms (and dads), it’s time to step up! Your daughter’s mental game is just as important as her physical game. And with these tools, she’ll be unstoppable.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00:00] If your daughter struggles with self-doubt, negative focus, or beating herself up over mistakes, this episode is for you; her mindset is coachable!
[00:00:22] The episode focuses on three key skills to build a mentally strong and confident girl athlete.
[00:00:43] Whether you’re a new sports mom or a seasoned one, this episode will help you support your daughter’s mental game.
[00:00:59] We dive into three skills that help athletes bounce back from mistakes, handle setbacks, and avoid spiraling after one bad play.
[00:01:19] A shoutout to a mom in the Elite Mental Game program whose daughter used mental skills to place third in a tennis tournament despite being sick and tired.
[00:02:16] The daughter used her “snapback routine” to stay focused and persevere, proving mental training builds resilience, not weakness.
[00:02:58] Addressing critics who claim mental training makes athletes “soft,” it actually builds capacity to handle challenges.
[00:04:00] Skill #1: Mastering her thoughts. What she thinks and focuses on directly impacts her performance.
[00:04:46] Introducing the “Thought Wheel” to help athletes understand how thoughts lead to feelings, actions, and results.
[00:05:23] Elite athletes don’t accept every negative thought; they let unhelpful thoughts pass by like sushi on a conveyor belt.
[00:06:28] The Thought Wheel explained: Situation → Thought → Feeling → Action → Result → Situation (a cycle that can be broken by changing thoughts).
[00:08:36] Athletes can choose productive thoughts like, “This is hard, but I can do hard things,” leading to better results.
[00:10:04] Thoughts become beliefs, which set your daughter’s ceiling—shifting thoughts early prevents them from hardening like a smoothie stuck in a glass.
[00:12:13] Skill #2: Responding to challenges, especially mistakes, with a “Snapback Routine” to recover quickly and stay in the game.
[00:13:22] Elite athletes recover from mistakes faster, giving them a competitive edge and more fun in their sport.
[00:14:41] The Snapback Routine: A quick reset method involving a breath, a reset word, and a grounding signal (e.g., snapping fingers).
[00:15:44] Recovery speed matters. Athletes must bounce back faster than their sport requires (e.g., within 15 seconds in volleyball).
[00:16:15] Skill #3: Separate who she is from what she does – praise her effort and character, not just her performance.
[00:17:14] Tying self-worth to performance leads to long-term issues, like struggling to rest or feeling ruined by a bad game.
[00:18:25] Emphasize your daughter’s positive qualities outside of sports (e.g., kindness, humor) to build her identity beyond athletics.
[00:19:15] Recap. Master thought work, teach a Snapback Routine, and separate who she is from what she does.
[00:19:31] Free training at TrainHerGame.com offers more depth on these skills and includes a cheat sheet of 25 confidence-boosting phrases.
[00:19:58] Closing. Encouraging moms to support their daughters’ mental game for long-term success.
Next Steps:
- Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
- Visit our podcast website for more great episodes
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