What words do you say to your athlete after a long game? What words do you say to yourself throughout your daughter’s sports journey?
Truth be told, it’s not the BIG wins that are going to be ingrained in your daughter’s memory, it’s the little moments. Looking back at my experience with my mom, I hardly remember those wins. I always remember the car ride to the tournaments with my mom and stopping for a meal at McDonald’s’. And that car ride home when I’m exhausted. Those talks with my mom were my comfort and my safe place
And it’s those little moments that you think don’t matter at all. Those are the ones that are going to stick out to your daughter the most.
That is just one of the 7 daily reminders I want to discuss with you in this episode. So if you’re a sports mom, you have to take note because here are the 7 daily reminders that you might want to get tattooed on yourself!
These seven reminders might be the ones you need to better support your daughter and give her the opportunities she needs.
So, let’s start!
1: Her Sport Is What She Does, Not Who She Is
Let her know you love her regardless of her game performance. Her sport is what she does and not who she is. A lot of parents get really confused at this, and unconsciously their focus falls on the achievements.
So easily, we can gravitate toward her achievements so much that it ties to her self-worth. Because of this, a lot of athletes thrive in their sport- not because they want to, but because they have to. They don’t enjoy what they do anymore because winning is tied up to their worth, and if they fail- they’re going to disappoint everyone.
Her sport is just a part of who she is. She has her own personality and value outside her sport. She needs to know that she’s worthy even if she decides to stop her sport. And there’s nothing she can do in her sport that will change her worth.
We need to separate who she is from what she does, but be sure you’re intentional in giving her attention and recognition. Be genuine in giving her praise even when she’s not doing her best at her sport.
2: Walk Beside Her On The Path, Don’t Shape The Path
We like to ‘fix’ and control, as parents. But as hard as it is, we have to let go of that control. We have to let her make her own decisions and deal with them.
We’re supposed to walk beside her on the path, and not shape her path. When you try to steer the path, control every decision that needs to be taken, and make that decision for her, you are robbing her of the advocacy skills that she requires. You’re robbing her of the ability to trust her instincts.
Our job is not to shape the path but to walk alongside our daughters on the path
Think of her sports journey as you’re walking on a path with your daughter. She gets to decide where that path goes, you just have to go with her.
That would give your daughter the assurance that regardless of what he chooses to do, you are right next to her. And she has this support.
3: Let Her Fight Her Battles (But Give Her The Tools To Do So)
Give her the tools she needs to overcome the obstacles she faces in her sport. She can speak up for herself, recover from mistakes, and manage her nerves. You can’t just send her off to war without any armor or tools and say, “Good luck.”. Give her the resources she requires.
She’ll have plenty of opportunities in her sport to practice navigating these difficult circumstances. We want her to be able to do it on her own, but we must first provide her with the necessary tools. You can only say and do so much. It will never be able to take the place of the job she must complete on her own.
One of the things we teach in the elite competitor program is pregame and talking to her coach. These are the abilities that our athletes are currently learning. They’re learning how to manage their anxiety before a game. They’re figuring out how to perform well under duress. They’re studying techniques and tactics for calming their nerves.
And how they might recover from their errors.
4: It’s Okay For Her To Be Disappointed
She will not always get what she wants. She will not win all the time. And It is okay for her to be disappointed.
Don’t try to fix it, or cover it up. Let her feel it, and this is going to be painful.
But It is not the worst thing that could happen to her. Sometimes she’s going to have really bad games. That’s okay. It is okay for her to feel that feeling, let her feel that feeling.
When we see our daughters hurting and we see them disappointed, we want to jump in and we want to fix it.
And when we do that, we actually also are impacting her confidence in a negative way. Because confidence at its core is trusting yourself. So athletes who are confident, trust themselves, and they trust the feelings that are coming up in themselves.
The best thing we can do for their confidence is to validate that emotion. It’s okay for her to feel angry. It’s okay for her to feel upset. It’s okay for her to feel like she failed. That’s part of her journey.
In ECP we have a lot of moms who admit they’re “fixers” ➝ it takes a lot of support to intentionally NOT do this! And that’s why we have this awesome community of sports mom, who supports each other.
5: The Little Moments Are Actually The Big Moments
We think the big moments are the ones that we’ll remember, but it’s actually the moments on the way to the tournament.
The car rides. The meals. The space you gave her. The shoulder to cry on. THOSE are the moments that will stand out. And those are the moments that you need to focus on. so don’t take those for granted, but also make sure that you are really intentional with those moments and, um, really pause to be present in them. So don’t take those for granted, but also make sure that you are really intentional with those moments and really pause to be present in them.
6: Remember The End Goal
Remember the end goal and that’s different for everybody. The goal of sports isn’t to make her win everything (although that’s nice!). Winning’s great. And obviously, our goal is that she wants to reach her potential in her sport. But for the most part, the reason you have your daughter in athletics is that athletics and sports are such a great vehicle to shape her into an amazingly confident, young woman.
It’s a vehicle to shape her, give her a space to fail, and instill confidence in her
If she’s not enjoying it, something has gone wrong.
Pushing her to be the best will create that perfectionism mentality in her, and that is the quickest way to burn out.
7: You Need Support, Too
This is her story, but it’s also yours. And that’s exactly what Kristina and I do for the mothers of athletes in The Elite Competitor Program; we’re their sidekicks because you have to know what to say before, during, and after games.
She’s studying you and emulating your self-assurance. As a result, make sure you have a plan in place to assist her! She’ll be looking forward to riding in the car with you on the way home. The mom who isn’t adding to the stress and knows exactly what to say.
We can’t expect our daughters to know what to do if we don’t provide them with the necessary tools. You are in the same boat! Perspective, support, community, and coaching are all things you’ll need.
Keep in mind these seven reminders that you’d want to get tattooed in you!
- Her sport is what she does, not who she is.
- Walk beside her on the path. Don’t shape the path.
- Let her fight her battles, but give her the tools to do it.
- It’s okay for her to be disappointed or whatever other emotion she’s experiencing.
- The little moments are actually the big moments.
- Remember the end goal.
- You need support too.
Athletes who have mothers who do this have a competitive advantage!
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Helpful Links:
- Download the free resources we’ve created for you
- Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group – The Elite Competitor Society – for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!
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