5 Signs Your Athlete Struggles with Perfectionism (And How You Can Support Her)

Does it feel like nothing your daughter does is ever good enough? She might win a game, achieve a personal best, or master a new skill, and still criticize herself 😔. Watching her struggle can be heartbreaking, especially when her self-worth seems tied to every mistake or outcome.

Perfectionism isn’t just a desire to improve; it can become a mental trap. Small mistakes can feel catastrophic, and even victories may never feel satisfying. The good news is that, with the right strategies, your daughter can learn to bounce back quickly, build confidence 💪, and thrive in her sport.

1. She beats herself up after mistakes ❌

Mistakes are a normal part of sports, but perfectionist athletes often spiral when they happen. One missed pass or a misstep can feel devastating because they tie it directly to their self-worth.

A practical way to help is by teaching a reset routine. In our Elite Mental Game program, we use a short, two-second “snapback” system that helps athletes recover quickly. This routine includes:

• Taking a deep breath to calm the nervous system
• Saying a personalized reset word
• Using a small physical reset signal

As a parent, you can also help normalize mistakes by framing them as opportunities to learn. Instead of asking, “What went wrong?” try asking, “What did you learn from that play?” This subtle shift encourages a growth mindset 🌱 and helps your daughter see mistakes as part of improvement rather than a reflection of her value.

2. She’s never satisfied, even after wins 🏆

Perfectionist athletes often struggle to enjoy victories. A personal record or team win may feel fleeting because their focus immediately shifts to what could have been better.

Encouraging gratitude and celebrating effort over outcomes can make a big difference. Practices like our 3, 2, 1 Brave mindset routine help athletes:

• Recognize what they are grateful for 🙏
• Identify what they did well
• Reflect on how they pushed themselves

At home, simple exercises like “rose, thorn, bud, grateful” during dinner can teach the brain to focus on positives, even when mistakes happen. Celebrating effort, intentionality, and teamwork, qualities she can control, rather than just results, reinforces confidence and motivation.

3. She avoids risks or plays it safe ⚠️

Some perfectionist athletes stick to safe options to avoid mistakes, which can limit growth and opportunity.

To help your daughter develop courage and confidence:

• Create low-stakes opportunities for practicing risk-taking
• Praise effort and bravery, not just success 🏐
• Encourage reflection with questions like, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

These steps help her reframe fear as manageable and allow her to take gradual steps toward growth and stronger performance.

4. She has big emotional reactions to mistakes 😢

Perfectionist athletes may react strongly to mistakes because they feel tied to their identity. She might cry, withdraw, or become frustrated intensely.

Teaching emotional regulation can make a big difference. Some effective strategies include:

• Deep breathing exercises 🌬️
• Visualization techniques
• Pre-planned responses to high-pressure situations

As a parent, you can also be her anchor. Validate her feelings without rushing to fix them. Saying, “I know that was frustrating, and it makes sense to feel that way,” helps her process emotions and recover faster.

5. She ties her self-worth to performance 💔

When an athlete sees herself solely through her results, one bad game can leave her feeling “less than” for days. Her internal critic may be harsh and persistent.

Encouraging positive self-talk and affirmations is a simple but powerful tool. In our program, athletes write daily “I am” statements such as I am adaptable or I am more than my sport. Reinforce effort and balance in life outside of sports, and remind her that her value is not defined by wins, losses, or mistakes. Over time, this trains her inner voice to be supportive rather than critical 💖.

Helping Your Athlete Thrive 🌟

Perfectionism can be positive when it motivates improvement, but the negative side can harm confidence and enjoyment. By helping your daughter:

• Recover quickly from mistakes
• Celebrate effort and progress
• Take healthy risks
• Manage emotions effectively
• Separate self-worth from performance

She can thrive as a confident, resilient athlete while continuing to love the sport she works so hard for.

Episode Highlights: 

[00:02:25] Your athlete struggles to move on from errors and spirals into negative self-talk. Coach Bre shares how the Snapback Routine, a quick two-second reset using breath, a power word, and a signal, helps athletes bounce back fast and stay focused.

[00:05:40] Some perfectionism is good; it pushes athletes to improve. But when your daughter can’t celebrate progress, it’s a red flag. Bre introduces gratitude habits like the 3-2-1 BRAVE routine to help athletes shift from “not good enough” to appreciation and growth.

[00:08:40] Perfectionist athletes often play it safe to avoid failure. Bre explains how to help them build “risk-taking muscles” through low-stakes practice and praise for bravery over outcomes. The goal? Encourage effort, not perfection.

[00:11:20] When performance feels tied to self-worth, even small errors can trigger tears or meltdowns. Bre shares how parents can anchor calm: validate feelings first, then gently redirect. Be her “calm in the storm” instead of rushing to fix it.

[00:13:20] If a bad game means days of low mood, it’s a sign she’s defining herself by results. Bre teaches athletes affirmations like “I am more than my sport” to retrain their inner coach. Parents can reinforce with simple phrases like “I love watching you play.”

[00:15:30] Perfectionism isn’t all bad; it drives growth and high standards. The key is helping your daughter let go of self-criticism while keeping her motivation. Bre invites parents to the TrainHerGame.com free training for practical tools to help their athlete find confidence without the crush of perfectionism.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

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