Negative coaching happens.

It’s a reality many young athletes face at some point; whether it’s a coach who’s overly critical, a tough tone, or feedback that feels harsh or discouraging. And if your athlete isn’t prepared for it, those moments can shatter her confidence and make her question her love of the game.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

What if your athlete could learn to handle negative coaching in a way that actually builds her mental toughness and keeps her confidence intact? What if she could take tough feedback – even when it’s delivered poorly – and use it to grow stronger instead of feeling defeated?

In this blog, you’ll learn exactly how to support her through tough feedback, what mindset shifts matter most, and the simple strategies she can use to stay mentally strong, even when the coaching gets negative.

A Quick Shoutout

Before we jump into today’s topic, I want to give a quick shoutout to a mom and athlete inside our community. They’re working through The Elite Mental Game, which is our self-paced mental training program that’s been proven to help athletes build confidence and mental strength.

Kim shared that her daughter kept a great attitude and played really well, even when the team was struggling. The other night, her daughter didn’t get to play in an important game. In the past, this would have really thrown her off and made her upset. But this time? She was disappointed, sure, but she kept her focus. The coach had told her she wasn’t being aggressive enough, so she said she’d do better the next day.

Now, maybe the coach could have given that feedback between games, but what matters is how Kim’s daughter handled it. She focused on what she could control, and that’s something to be proud of. If your daughter plays a team sport, I’m sure you’ve seen something similar. These moments are tough, but they can also show how much your athlete is growing.

What We Mean By “Negative Coaching”

Let’s talk about what I mean when I say negative coaching. I want to be clear: we’re not talking about abusive coaching. If a coach is crossing the line, like being physically or verbally abusive, or creating an unsafe environment, that’s a situation where you step in right away.

What I’m focusing on here is more of the common kind of negative coaching that we hear about in our community. Maybe the coach just isn’t very positive. Maybe they’re critical or focus a lot on what went wrong. A lot of times, our first instinct is to think the coach needs to change. And maybe you’re right, but that’s a tough path.

It’s a lot more helpful, and honestly more realistic, to focus on what your athlete can do to handle that coaching style. That’s what we’ll talk about today.

Avoid the Victim Mindset

First up: help your athlete avoid the victim mindset. It’s easy to fall into that thinking. You might hear things like, “I’m not playing well because the coach is negative,” or “The coach never says anything positive, so what’s the point?”

If we let that thinking take over, your athlete can feel stuck. They might start to believe the season is ruined, that the coach is to blame for everything, and that there’s nothing they can do about it. That’s a hard space to be in.

Instead, help your athlete (and yourself!) flip that mindset. Sure, maybe the coach’s style isn’t what you’d choose. But this is a great chance to teach your daughter resilience. She can learn how to handle people she doesn’t click with. She can learn to take feedback, even in tough situations.

These are life skills that go way beyond sports. We can’t protect our kids from every negative person or every situation they won’t like. But we can help them build the skills to handle it.

Watch How You Talk About the Coach

One simple way to help is to watch how you talk about the coach in front of your athlete. If your daughter comes to you frustrated and your first response is to complain about the coach or criticize their choices, you’re modeling that behavior for her.

Your athlete is watching and learning. If what she sees is complaining and blaming, that’s what she’ll do when she faces a challenge. That’s not to say you can’t have feelings about the situation, you absolutely can. But try to be that neutral support.

Ask curious questions. What happened? What did the coach say or do? How do you wish they had handled it? Help your daughter think through it. And remember: negative coaching isn’t always a bad thing. It might actually help your athlete learn how to handle tough feedback and prepare for higher levels of play.

Focus on What’s In Her Control

Next, help your daughter focus on what’s in her control. It’s so much easier to focus on what’s out of our control; what the coach is doing, what they’re saying, how they’re saying it. But that doesn’t help.

When your daughter comes to you, listen and then gently steer the conversation. Say something like, “Yeah, it sounds like that was tough. And it also sounds like there’s a lot you can’t control in this situation. But what is in your control?”

Help her see that she controls her attitude. She controls how she takes in the feedback. The coach might be loud or direct, but your athlete can choose to focus on the message, not the tone.

If the coach says, “You need to pick up that tip,” she can think about what that means. Does she need to move faster? Change her position? If she’s not sure, she can ask. That’s way more productive than getting stuck on how the message was delivered.

Remember: Coaching Isn’t Always Negative

Sometimes athletes confuse coaching with negativity. Remind your daughter that it’s the coach’s job to give feedback. Their job is to spot mistakes and help players improve. That doesn’t always come with a sugarcoat.

If a coach is giving your daughter feedback, that means they care and they’re invested in helping her grow. Encourage your daughter to see feedback, especially negative ones, as an opportunity to get better.

Her Confidence Comes From Her

This is a big one. Teach your daughter that her confidence comes from within. Not from the coach. Not from the praise (or lack of praise) she gets. No one can take her confidence away.

If your daughter says, “My coach ruined my confidence,” remind her: no one can steal it. Confidence comes from how she talks to herself. It comes from focusing on her goals and noticing the small wins every day.

In our program, we have athletes track these wins. We help them build that habit of looking for the good, so their confidence grows from their own progress, not from what someone else says or doesn’t say.

Coping Strategies for Tough Moments

In the heat of the moment, negative coaching can feel overwhelming. That’s why it helps to have coping strategies ready. Things like breathwork, mantras, or quick reset routines can help your daughter stay grounded.

We teach athletes to use a simple routine: take a breath, say a reset word, and use a small action to bring themselves back to the present. These little tools can make a big difference in keeping their nervous system calm, even when things feel tense.

Outside of the moment, it helps for your athlete to plan ahead. Encourage her to think about how she wants to respond the next time the coach gets on her. Have her picture that moment and see herself handling it the way she wants to.

Advocate When Needed

Finally, there might come a point when it’s time for your athlete to speak up. If she’s done all of the above and still feels stuck, it might help for her to have a short conversation with her coach.

This isn’t about asking the coach to change their whole style, that’s not realistic. But your daughter could say something like, “I really appreciate your feedback. It helps me a lot when you also let me know what I’m doing well or what to focus on in the next play.”

We help athletes prepare for these conversations because we know they can feel scary. But learning how to speak up respectfully is another great life skill.

Wrapping Up

I hope this has been helpful as you think about how to support your athlete. Remember: negative coaching doesn’t have to tear down your daughter’s confidence. It can actually be a tool for growth if she has the right skills to handle it.

If you want to go deeper into this and learn more about the tools we give athletes, check out our free training for sports moms at trainhergame.com. We walk through our full approach to mental training and give an overview of our program, including a $400 discount when you join through that training.

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you in the next episode!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:32] What “Negative Coaching” Really Means. There’s a big difference between tough feedback and unsafe behavior. Learn how to spot the line and support your daughter without overstepping.

[00:03:19] Shift Out of the Victim Mindset. When things get hard, it’s easy to blame the coach. But if your daughter learns to see this as a challenge, not a dead end, she’ll grow stronger.

[00:05:04] Why Badmouthing the Coach Backfires. Talking negatively about the coach in front of your daughter sends mixed messages. Instead, ask thoughtful questions that help her reflect and grow.

[00:06:46] Treat This Like a Life Skill. Your daughter won’t always have a coach, or boss, who makes her feel great. This is a great time to learn how to handle difficult people with confidence.

[00:07:04] Help Her Focus on What’s in Her Control. She can’t change how someone coaches, but she can choose how she responds, how she prepares, and how she thinks about herself.

[00:09:30] Not All Feedback Feels Good (And That’s Okay). Some athletes confuse coaching with criticism. If a coach is giving feedback, even in a tough tone, it might still mean they’re invested.

[00:10:47] Her Confidence Comes from Her. No one can take away her confidence, unless she gives it to them. Teach her how to build belief from within, no matter who’s watching.

[00:12:29] Give Her Tools to Stay Grounded. Breathing, mantras, reset routines, and simple mindset shifts can help her stay calm and steady, even when coaching feels tough.

[00:13:50] When It’s Time to Speak Up. If your daughter needs more support, equip her to advocate for herself. A respectful, confident conversation with her coach can go a long way.

[00:16:29] Want to Go Deeper? For more tools, support, and a proven mental training roadmap, check out the free training for sports moms at trainhergame.com.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

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