“I’m doing everything I can. I show up early, stay late, put in the extra reps. But, no matter how hard I work, it feels like I’m being overlooked. Maybe my coach favors other players. Maybe I just don’t fit into their game plan. Whatever the reason, it’s frustrating, and honestly, it’s starting to wear me down.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not powerless. You can’t control your coach’s decisions, but you can control your response. In this blog, I’m breaking down three powerful moves you can make when you feel like you’re not being treated fairly. These strategies will help you take back control, stay focused, and keep growing as an athlete.

Focus on What You Can Control

When it feels like your coach is playing favorites, the worst thing you can do is spiral into frustration and negativity. Instead, ask yourself: “What can I control?” You can’t force your coach to change, but you can control your effort, attitude, and response.

Here’s where to start:

• Show up to practice and games with strong body language and work ethic.
• Stay coachable. Take feedback seriously and use it to improve.
• Be the kind of player your coach can trust in high-pressure moments.

Avoid gossiping or complaining to teammates, it won’t help your case. Instead, write down what’s in your control in practice, games, and team interactions. This shift in focus can make a huge difference.

Communicate the Right Way

If you’re feeling overlooked, have a direct but respectful conversation with your coach. But here’s the key: Don’t compare yourself to other players. Instead of saying, “Why does she get more playing time than me?” try this:

• “Coach, I really want to contribute to the team. What can I do to improve?”
• “Can you help me understand my role on the team and the expectations for playing time?”
• “The story I’m telling myself is that I have to be perfect or I’ll get pulled. Can you clarify your expectations?”

Coaches respect players who seek solutions, not just vent frustrations. And remember, timing is everything. Don’t approach them after a tough game. Ask for five minutes after practice when they can actually listen.

Use This as Fuel, Not a Roadblock

You have two choices: Let this situation hold you back, or let it push you forward. The best athletes use setbacks as motivation. It’s easy to be positive when things are going your way, but true growth happens when you keep pushing despite the obstacles.

What separates great athletes from the rest? Their response to challenges. So instead of dwelling on what’s unfair, outwork everyone. Make it impossible for your coach to ignore you. And if you truly feel like the situation isn’t right, talk to a mentor or parent about your next steps.

Final Thoughts

You have more power than you think. Your growth as an athlete isn’t just about playing time, it’s about how you handle adversity. Stay focused, keep working, and take action where you can. And if you found these tips helpful, check out my program, Elite Mental Game, where I help athletes train their minds just like they train their bodies.

Keep pushing forward. You’ve got this!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] Introduction. Feel like you’re putting in the work but not getting the opportunities? In this episode, you’ll learn three key strategies to help you take back control and continue growing as an athlete.

[00:01:00] Focus on What You Can Control. You can’t control your coach’s decisions, but you can control your effort, attitude, and response. Shifting your focus to what’s in your control will help you grow rather than stay stuck in frustration.

[00:02:00] Avoid the Victim Mentality. Complaining, gossiping, or blaming your coach won’t change your situation. Instead, ask yourself how you can show up with the right work ethic, body language, and mindset to earn trust.

[00:03:00] Communicate the Right Way. Your coach isn’t a mind reader, so if you’re unsure about your role or playing time, ask for clarity. Use solution-focused questions like, “Coach, how can I contribute more to the team?” instead of comparing yourself to others.

[00:04:00] Seek Solutions, Not Just Venting. Coaches respect players who want to improve. Choose the right time to talk (not after a tough game) and approach the conversation with an open mind.

[00:05:00] Use This as Fuel, Not a Roadblock. Great athletes use setbacks as motivation to work harder. Instead of dwelling on what’s unfair, outwork everyone and make it impossible for your coach to ignore you.

[00:06:00] Final Takeaway. You have more control than you think. Keep showing up, taking action, and growing as an athlete. If this episode helped, check out the Elite Mental Game program for more tools to build confidence and mental strength.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

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