Today we’re going to answer a question we get a lot… how to be both the mom and the coach to your athlete daughter. I totally understand the difficulty because I am also a mom and a coach, and I agree it is really hard to be both. 

Let’s dive into this episode to learn more about the role you play in your daughter’s sports journey.

Your role as a parent

There are four roles at play in your daughter’s sports journey.

• The athlete
• The coach
• The ref
• The parent

We are the parents. We are not “the athletes”. Your daughter is the athlete and therefore the star in her sports journey. Let her experience what’s supposed to be hers. 

You are not “the coach” typically. So, let the coach do their work as the one giving tips, feedback and action plans. You are also not “the ref”, therefore you can’t control the game as you please. 

You are not all of THAT, but you are the PARENT. So your role in your athlete daughter’s confidence as her mom, as her parent, is to shape the environment for her and provide the opportunities for her to improve.

You shape the environment by what you say to her, but also through your nonverbal communication, or your actions. 

You provide the opportunities for her to practice and train. You give her the chance to train her physical game, train her mental game, and other things. 

That’s your role in your daughter’s journey. It’s quite simple, but it gets a bit tricky when parents are also the coach of their daughter’s team. It’s because being a coach compromises the thought of having a safe haven as her parent. There’s more pressure in your daughter seeing you as her mom while you’re being critical and honest in your feedback as her coach. 

Most athletes tend to shut down in these cases thinking their moms are supposed to support them, and not provide critique and feedback. 

So, how do you strengthen your athlete daughter’s mental game without being pushy or saying the wrong thing… when you’re both the coach and the mom? Here’s  a framework we teach in our free training.

The LOVE framework

There are four phases in your daughter’s competition. 

• Pre-competition
• Post-competition
• During competition
• Daily training

How do you talk to your daughter as her mom in the four phases of her competition? 

This is where the LOVE framework comes in handy. It teaches you how to be a mom in all those four phases of competition. 

• LEAD, which means letting her lead.
• OPEN, which means giving her an open space to breathe.
• VALIDATE, which means validating her feelings.
• ENCOURAGE, which means encouraging her through words.

All these are really important to do even if you are the coach of her team. These are the skills you should have to support her.

Responsibilities of each role

If you are the coach of your daughter’s team, then you can do this activity. Here’s one of my favorite activities I suggest moms should do with their daughters: 

1. Sit down with her and have a piece of paper. 
2. At the top of the piece of paper, write “mom” on one side, write “coach” on the other side, and brainstorm with her about what are the responsibilities of each of those roles. 
3. As the mom, you can write responsibilities such as support, provide encouragement, and the like. Your daughter can come up with some things too such as getting food before or after the game. Things that answer the kind of mom she wishes to experience as an athlete.
4. And then fill in the side under the “coach” label. What does it look like to be the coach? So that’s where you’d fill in things such as giving feedback, scheduling practices, and the like.
5. Separate the two roles and be clear in explaining to her both your roles as her mom and her coach. 
6. Let her understand when you’re speaking to her as her mom, and when you’re speaking to her as her coach. In some gray areas where both your role as her mom and a coach is applicable, you can let her decide which role she wants you to be at the moment. 

So, when she’s feeling down after a game, you can be transparent and ask her whether she wants your advice as her coach at the moment, or she wants your comfort as her mom. 

Remember: 

• You have to make sure that you have the skills to support her as mom. And that’s what we teach in our training. We help moms learn how to strengthen their athlete daughter’s mental game without being pushy or saying the wrong thing. 
• Make sure that your daughter has the skills to develop her own mental game as well, so that she can evaluate her own performance without you constantly doing it for her. 

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Helpful Links:

• Join our FREE training for Sports Moms – How To Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game Without Being Pushy Or Saying The Wrong Thing.
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group – The Elite Competitor Society – for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

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