When Your Athlete Spirals Mid Game: How to Help Her Rewire Her Brain for Confidence
The Moment Every Sports Mom Recognizes 💔
You have seen it.
Your daughter makes a couple mistakes, her shoulders drop, her eyes gloss over, and suddenly she is not the same athlete she was five minutes ago.
Then come the four words that break your heart every time:
“I just can’t today.”
If that hits a little too close to home, keep reading. This is exactly where her confidence can turn around.
A Real Game, A Real Spiral, A Real Lesson 🎬
At a recent volleyball tournament, Coach Bre watched a normally consistent, talented athlete unravel right before her eyes.
One error.
Then another.
Then the quiet, exhausted confession to her coach.
And instantly, her entire body changed.
She hesitated instead of attacking.
She played safe instead of smart.
She tipped instead of swinging.
She made even more mistakes.
Not because she lost her skill, but because she lost her belief.
This is what happens when our girls let one negative thought take over. Their brain works to prove it true.
Here is the part most moms never hear:
Her brain is not trying to ruin her game. It is trying to protect her. 🧠
It is doing its job. Just not in the way she needs.
And with just a few small tools, your daughter can flip that switch and reset her confidence in the moment.
Why Her Words Shape Her Performance 🎯
Inside your daughter’s brain is something called the Reticular Activating System. The RAS has one job: look for proof of whatever she believes.
So when she tells herself things like:
I can’t hit today.
This is not my day.
I am messing everything up.
Her brain goes to work making that belief feel true. Her mechanics change. Her decision making changes. Her timing changes. All without her realizing it.
This is why one bad thought can tank an entire game.
But here is the hopeful part.
She can train her brain to interrupt the spiral.
The Skill Confident Athletes Use: The Snapback Routine ⚡
Inside The Elite Mental Game, athletes learn a simple mid-game reset tool called the Snapback Routine. It works quickly and is easy to remember even when emotions are high.
Here is what it looks like
- One deep breath 🌬️
Calm the nervous system. - One reset word 🔁
Chosen from her best performances. Examples include:
Present
Focus
Go
Play
Free
Light
Sometimes athletes even pick a silly word that makes them smile. - One physical cue ✋
Something small and intentional that signals a reset.
Adjusting a hair tie
Tapping a leg
Snapping fingers
Touching the sideline
A high five from a teammate
This combination interrupts the mental spiral and brings her brain back into the present moment where she can perform at her best.
Confidence Does Not Require Fake Positivity 😊→😐
Your daughter does not need to pretend everything is wonderful. She does not need to hype herself up with unrealistic statements.
And honestly, her brain will not believe them anyway.
What works better is grounded, neutral self talk that keeps her focused on the next action in front of her.
Phrases that help
✔️ I am here
✔️ Next play
✔️ See the ball
✔️ Angle my platform
✔️ Breathe and go
These statements keep her from slipping into fear of the past or anxiety about the future.
Why Supporting a Teammate Helps Her Reset 🤝
Here is a sneaky confidence trick most teen athletes do not know.
When she stops focusing on her mistake and puts energy into a teammate, her brain shifts out of panic mode.
This is why things like:
eye contact 👀
a high five 🙌
a quick “you’ve got this” 💬
can completely change her energy.
Confidence grows when she steps out of worry and into connection.
What You Can Do as Her Mom ❤️
You cannot jump onto the field and fix her mindset. You cannot stop every spiral. You cannot take away every hard moment.
But you can equip her with tools that actually help.
Your daughter can learn to reset herself.
She can learn to bounce back quickly.
She can learn to stay confident when the pressure hits.
That is what mental training does.
And that is exactly why The Elite Competitor exists. You are not meant to figure this all out alone. There really is a playbook for sports moms now.
Help Your Daughter Discover Her Competitor Style 🔍
The best first step for your daughter is our free athlete quiz. It helps her understand how she competes and what is affecting her confidence most.
✨ elitecompetitor.com/athlete
Inside she will learn:
• Her personal competitor style
• Where she tends to spiral
• How her brain responds to mistakes
• What tools will help her bounce back faster
• How to start building her mental strength today
This quiz is fun, fast and designed for girls ages 12 to 18. It is the same foundation we use inside The Elite Mental Game program.
⭐ What to Do Next
• Have your daughter take the Athlete Confidence Quiz so she can understand her confidence patterns. ✨
• Tune into the Raising Elite Competitors Podcast for more weekly tools for athletes and moms. 🎧
• Explore The Elite Mental Game Program when your daughter is ready to learn proven mental training skills that support her in every area of her life. 💪
Episode Highlights:
[00:00:00] Coach Bre shares a real-time moment from a recent volleyball tournament — the exact second a talented athlete spiraled after saying the four words that derailed her entire game.
[00:00:25] See how one negative statement (“I just can’t play today”) triggered hesitation, fear, and a full-game confidence collapse — and why our daughters’ words matter more than they realize.
[00:01:20] Learn what the brain’s Reticular Activating System (RAS) does when an athlete says “I can’t”… and how it works against her performance completely unintentionally.
[00:01:59] Discover a better mid-game response: why mistakes are normal — and how athletes can train themselves to rebound without spiraling.
[00:02:20] Meet the Snapback Routine: a simple, powerful pattern interrupt athletes inside The Elite Mental Game use to stop the mental freefall and shift back into confidence.
[00:02:49] Get examples of real reset words athletes choose (“present,” “focus,” “go,” “play,” “free”) and how pairing it with breath + a physical cue instantly centers them
[00:03:27] Explore mantras that actually work — no toxic positivity, just grounded, in-the-moment confidence boosters like “I’m here.”
[00:03:40] Tips for staying present without pretending everything is perfect — and why the next play is always the most important one.
[00:04:23] See how physical touch (high fives, eye contact) and focusing on teammates help athletes snap out of overthinking and return to the present.
[00:04:55] Coach Bre’s core message: delete “I can’t” from your daughter’s vocabulary — it’s not that she can’t, it’s that her brain is trying to protect her.
[00:05:20] Why mindset is your daughter’s competitive advantage — and how a strong mental game can beat equal physical talent every time.
[00:05:40] Next steps for athletes who want to learn their personal competitor style and dive deeper into mental training tools.
Next Steps:
- For athletes who want to learn more about how to strengthen their mental game
- Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
- Visit our podcast website for more great episodes
Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.
