What do you do when your coach says you look scared on the court?

How do you handle a teammate who constantly brings negative energy? 

Or when you come back from an injury and feel like everyone has left you behind?

These aren’t just your problems. They’re the exact, real-life questions girl athletes are asking behind closed doors. And today, I’m swinging those doors wide open.

I’m giving you a secret peek inside one of our private group coaching calls, where athletes get real, unfiltered advice on the stuff that actually keeps them up at night. No scripts, no fluff; just the raw conversations and actionable tips that help players navigate the toughest parts of their sport.

This is the stuff we usually only share with our inner circle. Keep reading to see how we handle it.

Running Your Own Race: How to Stop the Comparison Game

Okay, let’s just say it: comparison is the worst. It’s a total confidence killer, whether you’re comparing yourself to another athlete or to who you used to be before an injury.

I told a story on the call from my eighth-grade track days. I was running the 200-meter dash and I was actually in the lead. But then I made a huge mistake. I looked over my shoulder to see where everyone else was. The second I did that, I lost my focus, swerved out of my lane, and fell straight on my butt. Everyone ran past me, and I finished in last place.

That’s exactly what happens to us mentally when we take our eyes off our own lane. We get so focused on what everyone else is doing that we completely wipe out and lose our own momentum.

So, how do we stop it? Here’s what we talked about on the call:

First, shift the question you’re asking yourself. Instead of “Why am I not like her?” (or “Why am I not like my old self?”), try asking, “What can I learn from her?” Success leaves clues. Maybe that athlete is putting in extra work or has a mindset you can learn from. Or, try this: “If she can do it, it’s proof that I can too.”

Second, focus on micro wins. Stop comparing yourself to who you were a year ago. That’s a totally different athlete. Instead, ask yourself, “How was I better than yesterday?” And no matter how rough practice was, find one small thing you did well. That one small win gives you hope for the next practice.

Finally, anchor in the right now. Your confidence is highest when you’re present, not when you’re worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Ask yourself: “What’s my goal for this practice? How do I want to feel walking off the court today?” Then just focus on doing that.

“I Just Came Back from Injury and Feel Behind”

This is such a tough spot to be in. You’ve been sidelined, and it feels like your team had a whole month of growth and development without you. You look around and feel miles behind.

Coach Saylor jumped in here with some great advice. The biggest thing? You have to trust the process. Comparing yourself to other people or your old self isn’t going to help you get better; it’s just going to make you feel worse.

She said to really dial in on those micro wins. Stack those small victories every day. Ask yourself: “Did I do the best that I could today? Did I give my best effort?” Having those little check-ins is key.

She also shared a powerful idea: write a breakup letter to your past self. It sounds silly, but sometimes you just have to officially break up with the athlete you were so you can fall in love with the athlete you’re becoming. Your role might be different now, and that’s okay. You can still find ways to contribute and show up for your team.

And remember: players who come back from injury are often stronger, more resilient, and better overall players than those who have never had to deal with a setback. You’re building mental toughness that will help you long after this season is over.

“My Coach Said I Look Scared on the Court”

Hearing that from a coach is tough. First things first, know that every single athlete has felt this way at some point. You are not alone in this.

Coach Rachel, who’s also a parent coach, answered this one. Her biggest piece of advice was to zoom out and focus on what you can control. You can’t control your teammates, the refs, or the fans. But you can control your attitude, your effort, your coachability, and your thoughts.

She also said to lean into your strengths. What are you really good at? Remind yourself of that. You’ve put in the work. Your body is strong and capable. Trust your training.

Here’s a really important point: confidence isn’t about feeling happy or fearless all the time. Confidence is about trusting yourself to get through a tough moment, even when you’re nervous. You can’t be brave unless you feel a little bit scared.

I added that you should try flipping the script. Instead of trying not to be scared, ask: “What would it look like to be brave on the court?” What would that feel like? What would you be doing? Build a blueprint for that feeling and focus on it.

Dealing with Negative & Passive-Aggressive Teammates

Ugh. Negative teammates can just suck all the joy right out of the room. It’s exhausting and it can make you dread going to practice.

The hard truth is this: you can’t change them. You will waste so much energy trying to fix someone else’s bad attitude. I shared a story about working with a local softball team. Almost all the girls were locked in and engaged, but one girl just sat there, arms crossed, refusing to participate. I had to consciously stop myself from focusing on her and instead pour my energy into the ones who were eager to learn.

You have to do the same. Protect your own energy. Imagine you have a bubble around you. Let the negative comments and passive-aggressive vibes bounce right off that bubble. Don’t let them in.

Surround yourself with the positive people. Who on your team brings you up? Warm up with them, partner with them, share your wins with them.

Coach Rachel offered a game-changing piece of advice that’s hard to do but so powerful: try giving them a genuine compliment. Walk up to them and say, “I’m really impressed with your defense today,” or “Wow, your shot looks awesome.” The person being negative might be dealing with stuff you don’t know about. A little bit of kindness can completely change the dynamic and cost you nothing.

How to Stay Calm When the Pressure’s On

When an athlete named Britt asked how to feel more calm in the moment, Coach Saylor’s first question was, “What has helped you in the past?” Britt said taking deep breaths and “acting like myself and being fun.”

Saylor’s advice was perfect: Don’t reinvent the wheel. If those things have worked before, stick with them! Ground yourself with your breath as soon as you feel your heart start to pound. And don’t try to be someone you’re not; your confidence comes from you being you.

She also said to add an element of fun. Create little games for yourself during competition. Maybe it’s singing a song in your head, pretending you’re being chased by a lion, or coming up with a secret handshake with a teammate. It sounds silly, but it works.

I added that you’re not supposed to feel 100% calm. My college coach used to say you should feel like you have to yawn and kinda have to go to the bathroom, that’s the perfect level of ready! You need a little bit of urgency. Know your personal “hype number” on a scale of 1 to 10 so you know when you’re in the right zone.

“I’m Nervous for Tryouts”

This is so common, especially with high school tryouts coming up. The anxiety comes from the unknown.

Coach Rachel said the key is to not waste mental energy worrying about it weeks in advance. If you’ve been putting in the work in the off-season, trust that. Your skills and game knowledge have improved.

When you get to the tryout, stay present. The anxiety comes from worrying about past mistakes or future outcomes. Just focus on the drill you’re in right now.

And here’s a huge one: coaches are watching everything. They’re not just looking at skill. They’re looking at your attitude, your effort, and how you respond to mistakes. If two players are equally talented, the coach is going to pick the one who is the hardest worker and the most coachable. Be that player.

When Parent Feedback Hurts

This is a really delicate one. An athlete named Tatum said her dad watched practice and told her she didn’t play her best, even though she felt like she did. It immediately got in her head.

Coach Saylor’s first thought was about having a conversation. Explain that your “best” looks different every day. Some days your tank is 100% full, and some days it’s at 40%. But if you gave everything you had in that moment, that is your best for that day.

She also suggested taking control of the post-practice conversation. Instead of waiting for feedback, you start it. Share your wins first. Talk about the little things you were proud of and how you felt. That sets the tone.

Coach Rachel, from a parent’s perspective, said it’s important to communicate how it makes you feel. You could say, “Dad, I’m really working hard, and when I hear that, it affects my confidence.” Most parents truly don’t realize the impact of their words. She advised asking to understand their expectations and maybe setting a few healthy boundaries, like asking him not to watch every practice if it adds pressure.

It’s also okay to reflect and see if there’s a tiny piece of truth in what they said, but you still get to be proud of the effort you gave.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone in This

That’s a wrap on this behind-the-scenes look at one of our sessions! If you were nodding along to any of those questions, I hope this makes you feel a little less alone. Every single athlete deals with this stuff: the comparison, the pressure, the tough feedback, the team drama. It’s all part of the game.

The key takeaway from all of this? Focus on what you can control. Your effort. Your attitude. Your mindset. Your bubble. You can’t control your teammates, your coach’s comments, or a past injury, but you have 100% control over how you respond.

Use the tools we talked about: find your micro wins, create your snapback routine for mistakes, and always run your own race. And most importantly, remember why you started playing in the first place. Connect back to that joy.

You’ve got a whole community behind you. We’re here for you. Now go out there and use this. You’ve got this!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] A Behind-the-Scenes Look. In this episode, I’m sharing something special with you: a replay of a live group coaching call where athletes got real advice and tools to tackle their biggest mental game challenges.

[00:02:53] Starting with a Win. The call kicks off with coaches asking athletes to share a recent win or something they’re proud of in the chat, setting a positive and supportive tone.

[00:04:00] The Comparison Trap. I shared a story about how comparing myself to other runners actually caused me to fall in a race. It was a powerful reminder that comparison never helps, it distracts and hurts performance.

[00:07:00] Shift Your Focus. The first tip to stop comparison: stop asking “Why am I not like her?” and start asking “What can I learn from her?”

[00:08:20] Find Your Micro Wins. The second tip: combat comparison by focusing on how you were better than yesterday and finding one small win from today, no matter how practice went.

[00:09:24] Anchor in the Right Now. The final tip: your confidence is highest when you’re present. Stop worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, and focus on your goal for this practice.

[00:12:25] Coming Back from Injury. Coach Saylor advises an athlete feeling behind after an injury to trust the process, focus on micro wins, and even suggests writing a “breakup letter” to your past self to embrace who you’re becoming.

[00:14:54] “I Look Scared on the Court”. Coach Rachel addresses a common fear, reminding athletes to focus on what they can control: their attitude, effort, and coachability. Confidence is trusting you’ll get through it, even when you’re nervous.

[00:19:26] Dealing with Negative Teammates. I share a story about a disengaged player to illustrate a key point: you can’t change negative people, so stop focusing on them and instead pour your energy into the teammates who are locked in.

[00:21:00] How to Feel More Calm. Coach Saylor helps an athlete named Britt rediscover what has worked for her in the past, like deep breaths and having fun, and advises her to build on those strategies instead of reinventing the wheel.

[00:24:14] Fear of Other People’s Opinions. I taught athletes the “two-by-two square” to figure out whose opinions actually matter. Spoiler: the list is short. Everyone else’s noise? That’s not your business.

[00:26:57] Tryout Anxiety. Coach Rachel tells athletes not to waste mental energy worrying weeks in advance. At tryouts, coaches notice everything, so focus on being the hardest worker and most coachable player there.

[00:29:00] When Teammates Hate on Your Wins. Coach Saylor advises creating a “bubble” to let negative comments bounce off and to surround yourself with positive teammates. Coach Rachel adds that giving a genuine compliment can sometimes change the dynamic entirely.

[00:33:50] Fear of Making Mistakes. The solution? Create a “snapback routine” (a breath, a word, a gesture) to reset after a mistake. Plus, realize that hesitating causes more errors than taking risks does.

[00:37:23] Navigating Team Drama. Advice on dealing with a specific negative teammate: protect your energy, align with positive players, and remember it’s not your job to fix them. Only involve a coach if there’s bullying or abusive behavior.

[00:40:12] When Parent Feedback Stings. Coaches advise having a conversation with a parent to explain that your “best” looks different every day. Take control of post-practice talks by sharing your wins first and setting healthy boundaries if needed.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms – How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
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